14 Common Problems INFJs Deal With In Their Dating Lives



INFJ – Introverted, Intuitive, Feeling and Judging. Quiet, empathetic dreamers with huge hearts, INFJs are one of the rarest personality types, which naturally, makes them quite odd. It’s their strangeness that makes them come off as mysterious and intriguing to others but it’s often their strangeness that creates problems within their dating lives. Here are 14 common romantic problems INFJs deal with in their lives.

1. INFJs get frustrated when they make an attempt to connect with someone and the person fails to share their enthusiasm. INFJs can read people extremely well, so when they make an attempt to connect with someone on a deeper level or discuss something that means a lot to them, they can instantly tell when the other person isn’t on the same wavelength as them. This leads them to wonder why they even bothered at all and makes them more hesitant to reveal other things about themselves in the future.

2. They want to believe in the best in their partner (even if it comes at a cost to their well being). This doesn’t mean that INFJs are perfect in relationships. They (obviously) have their share of faults too, but INFJs are one of the least likely personality types to give up on their partner. Although they know there are issues, and even when they know within their bones something isn’t working out, they will fight for their relationship longer than they should.

3. They can falter to their weaknesses if they get into a relationship with the wrong person. INFJs are very easily affected by the energy and environment around them. Their most successful relationships are with strong people who can lift them up and help them realize their potential (as INFJs are highly idealistic). If they end up in an unhealthy relationship with a lot of chaos or uncertainty, it can bring out the worst in them.

4. If it’s obvious a new dating situation is going nowhere, they will end it so they can put their energy elsewhere. While INFJs are completely capable of casual dating, they feel most fulfilled in longterm relationships or connections with people that go deeper than the surface. If they get the gut instinct this is only a temporary thing and there’s nothing else to sustain what you have with them besides sex, they’ll quickly find a way out.

5. Even in the best relationship they can often feel a sense of loneliness and isolation. The thing about INFJs is that they’re known as not only being strange people but for having a great self-awareness about it. Although they might be happy in their relationship and content with their dating life, INFJs can still feel a great deal of loneliness and a lack of feeling understood. This leads to them needing time alone to deal with what they’re experiencing within.

6.  It can be difficult to let someone else in, even if they want to get close to them. INFJs hold their wounds close to their heart. The things that they’ve overcome that have made them who they are today can be difficult to reveal, even to the people they love and care for the most. This creates problems in their relationships when their partner tries to break down their walls and has a hard time getting through.

7. They can get too in their head about things. INFJs can be intense people. One of their flaws is overthinking things that are much simpler than they make them out to be or over analyzing situations before they proceed.

8. INFJs prefer to live an unconventional lifestyle. They aren’t driven by the same things (wealth, material items) as most of society and are more interested in experiences vs possessions. They need something a little different in life to feel content and fulfilled and sometimes this can create problems in dating if they find themselves with a partner who grew up (and wants) a more traditional lifestyle.

9. They have a hard time connecting with someone who can’t slow down and enjoy the little moments in life. INFJs have difficulty in bonding with people who live a fast paced life or have to constantly be surrounded by others. It’s not that INFJs can’t develop happy relationships with extroverts but they need a partner who places an emphasis on one-on-one experiences together because that is where an INFJ truly flourishes. It’s the moments when you’re doing seemingly nothing together except just hanging out and talking, sharing your stories and thoughts, that an INFJ feels like they are really bonding with you.

10. INFJs struggle with bouts of depression. As creative types, INFJs can struggle with depression during moments of artistic blocks or when they don’t feel like the work they’ve produced is good enough. Other times they deal with periods of sadness when they’re feeling particularly lonely or misunderstood (as mentioned previously). Their feelings about their artistic work and inability to feel understood can affect their relationships if their bout of depression lasts long.

11. The inner world of an INFJ is so much more than what you see on the outside but it takes time for them to reveal that side to others. INFJs have an innate ability to develop rich inner worlds they can retreat to when the outside world becomes too much. Their inner-self closely mimics the personality of an ENFP – energetic, fearless, outgoing. It’s not that they have a problem bringing these two sides of themselves together to be a thoughtful, witty, outgoing person in social settings, but it usually isn’t until they feel comfortable with people to really show their true personality.

12. INFJs can be easily disappointed. They are highly idealistic and are always dreaming up some new big idea, not only for themselves, but to share with their partner and loved ones. The problem comes when they forget to maintain a level of realism and find their ideas blowing up in their face. The easiest way to deal with this is for their partner to help keep them grounded during their bouts of daydreaming.

13. They can be just as self-absorbed as they can be loving and generous with their time and attention. While INFJs are known to be self-sacrificing in their relationships, they also can be just as easily self-absorbed depending on what’s going on in their life. They want their partner to be just as enthusiastic about their life’s endeavors and pursuits as they are but, obviously, this doesn’t always happen. While they are warm-hearted and empathetic individuals, they can also go off into their own world and forget about others until they come back out again.

14. Sometimes their greatest romantic interests will turn into nothing because INFJs rarely initiate anything in dating. INFJs have a problem with being the first one to show interest or to reveal their feelings when it comes to matters of the heart. They would much rather observe the other person, over analyze every possible situation and outcome, and slowly test the waters before even giving a small piece of themselves. Even if they have great admiration for someone or get a big crush on another person, an INFJ will often bury that feeling within themselves until they feel (through their observations) that the other person is also interested. Unfortunately, this isn’t a great dating method and leaves INFJs wondering what could be with someone all because they refused to initiate anything. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

Former senior staff writer and producer at Thought Catalog.

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