Valentine’s Day, like New Year’s Eve, is one of those ridiculously hyped up holidays that never lives up to its expectation of being some extraordinary great time. I’ll be spending this Valentine’s Day alone this year, but even when I was in a relationship with someone Valentine’s always pretty much felt like any other special pre-planned night. The only difference is you don’t have to compete with a million other couples out there trying to get reservations for the same restaurant.
The big date
Expectation: A nice, romantic night by candlelight at your favorite Italian restaurant with your partner.
Reality: All the restaurants are booked so you’re stuck at home making boxed pasta and watching Netflix on the couch…like you do every other night.
The whisper of sweet nothings in your ear
Expectation: Your partner will say something extremely sweet and romantic to you before they head out for the day.
Reality: They’re like, “Hey, babe, can you remember to grab me some Funyuns when you’re at the store today? Thanks!”
Special Valentine’s flowers
Expectation: Flower delivery for your significant other at work = romantic gesture.
Reality: Hundreds of thousands of other people have the same idea.
Trying something new and sexy
Expectation: Whipped cream on body = amazing foreplay.
Reality: Whipped cream on body = weird oily spots and stains on your sheets you can’t get out, not amazing foreplay.
You’re going to look so damn hot
Expectation: You’ll have extra time before the date to pick out your best outfit and make yourself look more awesome than usual.
Reality: Work had to keep you late so you rush to the restaurant just in time to make your reservation. Luckily you kept deodorant and a toothbrush in your car.
Expectation: You’re going to wear some incredibly sexy lingerie you picked out weeks in advance and you’ll have the best sex of your life.
Reality: You both pass out from a food coma in front of the TV.
You’re going to be SO in love
Expectation: To feel more in love than ever at the end of the night.
Reality: You basically feel, more or less, the exact same.