1. When you’re sitting by yourself in a public place and someone sits next to you, your first instinct is great. I hope they don’t start talking to me.
2. Then they start talking and you’re like, FUCK.
3. They’re blah blahing about their day while you silently wonder who you pissed off recently to warrant this kind of karmic retribution.
4. And then you consider how to escape the situation and/or wonder how long it’s going to be until they stop talking.
5. You don’t even try to hide your side eye anymore. It’s basically an art form at this point. Like, your friends have actually complimented you on your side eye before it’s that good.
6. Any small space where you get stuck with other people is basically your own personal hell. Elevators, the cream/sugar corner at a cafe, waiting in line. These are all TERRIBLE places to get stuck with strangers.
7. Basically, you hate small talk. But ESPECIALLY when it’s with someone you don’t even know. You hate having to waste your energy on strangers.
8. And if someone tries to talk to you while you’re wearing headphones you’re like, seriously? do you not see these fucking headphones on my head? You honestly wonder what about you seems approachable.
9. No one has mastered the game of subtweeting quite like you have.
10. You were seriously pissed when Grumpy Cat became a thing. That’s basically who you are as a person. Now it’s in to hate things? GTFO.
11. Your favorite moment in life is when people cancel plans. There’s nothing quite like that sweet sigh of relief when you don’t have to hang out with your friends.
12. “Hell is other people” is basically your life mantra.
13. When you see someone trying to call you your immediate reaction is to sigh in utter disgust and contempt. Calling!?!!? What is this – the 1950s??? Text me, you idiot!
14. You think snowstorms are great because it gives you like an extra 2-3 day window where you can avoid everyone and it’s perfectly acceptable.
15. When you board a plane and find out a baby is sitting near you you think OF COURSE THIS HAD TO HAPPEN TO ME.
16. And speaking of babies and small humans in general, you completely advocate the idea of child-free restaurants. Children are the worst.
17. When it comes down to spending time with other people or spending time alone, you always choose to be alone. Netflix > people. Books > people. No people > people.
18. You avoid sitting next to someone in public unless it’s absolutely necessary, and even then, you feel like you’re dying a little inside every moment you have to sit next to them.
19. All of your friends are people who also hate people, so it’s absolutely perfect because when you get together you spend the entire time talking about how much everyone else sucks. You guys have a mutual understand you both hate everything and it’s cool. It’s basically why you two are so close.