1. First order of business is we will have to tell our friends every detail. We’ll send a group text to a minimum of 3 friends and then the entire group text turns into an explosion of emojis.
2. Even if we never liked Taylor Swift before, we find ourself suddenly loving every song she’s ever done and being like, “OMG this is EXACTLY how I feel right now. Tay gets me.”
3. A waxing appointment will be booked (or some sort of personal care to our vagina will be done) because, you know, sex with someone actually good is coming up.
4. We will buy sexy new underwear that we will then wear while fantasizing about having sex with this guy.
5. We’ll send screenshots of many snippets of the conversation to our friends and be like HE’S INTO ME RIGHT?!
6. We’ll use that gym membership we haven’t used in 6 months and—in the least committed way possible—use the elliptical for 10 minutes and then give up and go get Taco Bell because working out JUST to impress some guy is a little lame tbh.
7. We will look up every single one of his social media accounts and go down a rabbit hole of stalking that can last upwards of 3 hours. We will not feel particularly proud of this, but it will be necessary.
8. We’ll get freaked the fuck out because liking someone is so much scarier than going on shitty date after shitty date.
9. We will get irrationally excited at the prospect of deleting our Tinder or OkCupid account.
10. We will feel tempted to tell that one guy that we’ve been going back and forth with and hooking up with from time to time who is “super chill and not into commitment” that, “no, I am off the market now, bye,” just to have the last word.
11. We’ll be NOTICEABLY cheerier. We’ll actually smile at the couple in the park who’s super into PDA and be like, “awwwwww,” where before we would have been like, “ewwww get a room.”
12. We will try very hard not to get our hopes up while secretly thinking to ourselves that omg, finally someone to have regular sex with.
13. Speaking of regular sex, we’ll go and refill that prescription of birth control we haven’t needed for the past however long they we haven’t been in a relationship.
14. We’ll start thinking about the long-term possibilities with this person. Then we’ll be like, WAIT, WHAT? WHY AM I EVEN THINKING THESE THINGS? It’s a mix of both nervousness and excitement.
15. If he mentions a band he loves that we also really like then we spend the next week listening to the ENTIRE discography and then also probably looking up the band’s tour dates to see if they’re coming to our city anytime soon.
16. We will analyze and decode his text messages like we’re trying to crack military codes at the Pentagon.
17. We will constantly go back and forth between being so excited that finally we have met someone we actually like while also being perhaps a bit too jaded in thinking that, nooooo, this is never going to work out. But, maybe it will! But, maybe it won’t. BUT MAYBE IT WILL???