When Your Boyfriend Is Awesome IRL But Seriously Sucks At Texting

New Girl
New Girl

The other day I was at my friend’s house hanging out. She’s a better adult than I am and actually has a washer and dryer at her place so I was doing laundry over there while we watched Archer and House Hunters International and talked about boys.

We were having fun yelling at the TV, making fun of some bougie couple when I could tell Emily was getting agitated with her phone.

“Uhm, what’s going on over there? You didn’t even notice this woman tell the realtor she’s trying to escape the rat race,” I said. Seriously though, have you ever noticed someone says this on nearly every single episode?

“Ugh, it’s John. He’s not responding to any of my texts. I tried calling him and he didn’t answer. He’s so bad at communicating when we’re not together. He’s out in LA for the week and I’m trying to figure out when we’re gonna chat on the phone so I can plan the rest of my day.”

John is a dude she’s been dating for a couple months but has been best friends with for a long time. They’re a super cute couple, the kind that you’ve wanted to get together for forever because they’re perfect for each other.

Well, maybe.

It seems John’s only real issue is his lack of communication. He sucks at texting. When Emily is with him things are amazing but as soon as they’re apart it’s nearly impossible to connect with him. I know he’s not the only guy like this. How many times have I heard my other friends (and myself) complain about this same issue before?

Guys say they “aren’t good” at texting. They “don’t pay attention” to their phone. They’re “really busy and just saw the text.” Are these guys telling the truth or are they just using shitty excuses that aren’t really believable in a world where we’re surrounded by screens almost all day.

I mean, I get it. I’ve been the person who meant to text someone back, thought I did, and then 4 hours later looked at my phone and realized I never hit send. I’ve been known to leave my phone at home or ignore a low battery and wind up with a dead phone most of the night I’m out. I’ve never been someone who needed to be connected to social media and my phone 24/7. If I’m out and my phone dies or I realize I don’t have it, I just shrug. Whatever. It’s not the end of the world. I think my friends and whoever I’m connected to online can go a night without needing an update or Instagram pic of what I’m up to.

The thing is, though, when it comes to boyfriends or someone I’m genuinely interested in romantically I don’t let those things – dead phone, unresponsive texts – happen if I can help it. If I like someone, if I care about them, if I’m dating them, then they’re a priority to me. It’s not a hassle to text them or respond to what they say in a timely manner. I’m excited to talk to them. I want to be connected to them. So why is it such a problem for so many guys to just answer a freaking text message?

Later on Emily told me she “had a talk” with John about his lack of communication. He told her he was “just really bad at texting” and didn’t think it was that important. She explained it was extremely important to her, especially when she’s in the process of applying to grad schools and they’re facing the possibility of a long distance relationship. If he’s bad at texting now, what would it be like if they’re across the country from each other?

If a guy sucks at communication and is one of those types that goes days without responding to messages or uses the same lame excuses for why he’s terrible at communication, even if we always have a good time when we’re in person together, I take it that he’s not really that interested in me and I end whatever we have going on. Honestly, what’s the point? Dating isn’t fun if you’re the one putting in all the effort or always the one to initiate plans.

So guys, seriously, what’s up with this? Commenters, readers of TC, whoever you are out there reading this that’s been guilty of this behavior before give me the low down – why are some people so shitty at texting? Is it really just general laziness/lack of concern about your phone or is it indicative of your feelings towards the person you’re dating? Thought Catalog Logo Mark

Former senior staff writer and producer at Thought Catalog.

Keep up with Koty on Twitter

More From Thought Catalog