1. The timing always seems to be wrong.
They show legitimate interest but aren’t actually available for a real relationship. When you first started “hanging out” or even actually going on dates with the person they said something like, “I’m interested in you but I just can’t date anyone right now.” “I’d like to date you but XYZ is going on and I’m really busy.” There’s always something in the way or the timing just isn’t right.
2. Your communication is sporadic.
You exchanged numbers at a party, a week or so later they Facebook messaged you, and since then your communication has always been friendly, sometimes even hot and heavy, but it’s never been consistent.
3. Your relationship/friendship/whatever pretty much only exists via technology.
They have no problem texting you or sending you Facebook messages but your IRL interaction is extremely limited. You might even be texting for HOURS but the moment you suggest meeting up they suddenly stop responding or something comes up.
4. You two hang out, they flirt with you like crazy, but you’re not exactly sure how to behave.
Do you hold hands? Do you show any affection in public? WHAT IS GOING ON? It’s all pretty confusing.
5. They disappear when they’re dating someone but get a hold of you basically the minute they’re single.
All of a sudden they’re asking what you’re up to and if you’re free to hang out. Hmm, that’s weird. I thought they were dating someone. You check their Facebook profile and see their newly minted single status.
6. They joke around that if you two aren’t settled down by a certain age you should get married.
This is the epitome of being someone’s last option and keeping someone as a last option. It’s basically like saying WELP, I tried dating EVERYONE ELSE. *shrug* Fuck it. I guess you’ll do.
7. You can’t ever make future plans together.
They text you randomly asking if you can get dinner in an hour or they check in to see if you’re free to get drinks next weekend. The problem is that once you’re together and you try to make plans to see them again, relatively soon, it never happens.
8. They make promises or say things that make you think you guys MIGHT date SOMEDAY.
They make comments or give little hints that there’s the possibility of you two working out. It’s just enough to fuel that little piece of hope you have.
9. You give excuses or try to explain to friends what you two are doing.
“Yeah, he’s really busy with school right now but it’s okay because I’m ALSO really busy. I don’t even really have time for a boyfriend right now so this is kind of perfect.”
10. They text you about the most mundane shit usually only reserved for an S/O.
They want you to know they really need to do laundry or they’re trying to decide if Qdoba is better than Chipotle. You respond but you’re kind of confused why you should give a shit.
11. They turn to you when they’re having relationship issues.
As soon as their new relationship turns sour or they end up in a fight you’re the first person they want to dish to about their SO’s annoying habits.
12. But if you talk about your dating life they get annoyed.
They don’t want to hear about it and either change the subject or tell you why your partner sucks. You get the feeling they don’t really care how your dating life or relationship is actually affecting you, they just want this topic of conversation to go away.
13. When they can’t find anyone else to go as their plus one they call you.
First they make the rounds of whatever girls they’re actually interested in dating or sleeping with. Maybe they even try and make a halfway decent connection on Tinder or OKCupid in time for the event. When all else fails they ask you to go.
14. They subtly try to maintain your relationship without actually having to put in any effort.
They weirdly like all of your Facebook statuses or fav everything of yours on Twitter. They might send you a link to a funny video once in awhile or a Snapchat every so often. They don’t want you to forget they exist, they just don’t want you to actually expect anything more from them.
15. They cancel plans at the last minute.
You just agreed late last night you’d get drinks tonight after work but an hour before you two are supposed to meet up they come up with a lame excuse or say they can’t make it. It’s likely whoever they’re more interested in pursuing is the reason they ditched you.
16. You wonder what would happen if you two actually tried a relationship.
If only you two lived in the same city. If only she/he wasn’t dating someone when you finally became single. You have a mutual attraction for each other but everything has been based on coulda, woulda, shouldas with you two. You often wonder how much of a hinderance this faux-relationship has on your dating life and what it would be like if you two could actually get your shit together and make things happen.