Thought Catalog

14 Things Single Women Don’t Have To Justify To Anyone

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Mad Men
Mad Men

1. How long you’ve been single.

It’s okay if you’ve been single five years, a few months, or if you’ve never had a serious boyfriend. After I ended a five year relationship I decided I wanted to be single and figure out what I was like when I was completely by myself. I used to be the girl that always had a serious boyfriend and I wanted to see who I was when I wasn’t attached to anyone. Although I’ve dated a couple people since that breakup I haven’t been in a relationship in a year and you know what? It’s totally fine. How long you’ve been single or why you’ve stayed single isn’t something that should be seen as a reflection of your success in life.

2. If and when you want to have children.

Deciding to have a child is one of the biggest decisions a woman can make. It’s literally growing a HUMAN and then being responsible/caring for that human for forever. So yeah, I don’t think it’s anyone’s business what women decide when it comes to that area. A single woman doesn’t need to be reminded about her age (rude!), asked about her eggs (weird!), or need to defend whichever decision she makes with the whole kid thing.

3. Traveling the world alone.

Men travel all the time and no one raises an eyebrow but as soon as a woman says she’s going to go explore the world people want to give all sort of opinions about why she should have a man with her, why it’s too dangerous, or else they want to know if/why she’s putting off other things they think she should be focused on (marriage, kids, etc). As a woman who travels all over the world alone – seriously, fuck off with this. Unless you’re a fellow experienced traveler and have some legit travel advice to give or a close family member or friend genuinely interested/concerned, women don’t need to defend why they travel.

4. Your sexuality.

You’re allowed to experiment, go through phases, and try dating different types of people. That’s one of the fun parts about life and figuring out who you are. It’s okay to change your mind, see what you like and don’t like, and enjoy the process of discovering what you really want.

5. Making the decision to not see someone again.

Maybe you had a pretty decent first date and maybe you even kissed the guy at the end of the night. After thinking about it later on you decided there was something about him that just didn’t vibe well. And that’s totally fine. You shouldn’t have to explain to your friends why you didn’t like a guy or why you don’t want to continue seeing him. The point is – YOU don’t want to date him. And that should be enough.

6. Ditching the bar scene.

There’s a million ways to meet a guy so why is it if you’re not big on the bar scene and the thought of going to a club is lol because seriously no, you’re accused of not ‘putting yourself out there enough’? Maybe I don’t want to meet my next boyfriend while we’re both intoxicated. Is that really the worst thing?

7. The varying degrees of online dating.

A woman doesn’t have to explain why she does or doesn’t use online dating. And we don’t have to explain why we use certain sites vs. other sites. You met your boyfriend on Tinder and now you’re getting married? Mazel Tov!! Seriously, congrats to you. You think Match.com is the end all be all of online dating and where the “real” guys are? Woot!! That’s awesome but no, really, I don’t care. Let me figure out which sites I want to be on if I want to be on them at all. And choosing to not online date is completely fine as well.

8. Taking a break from dating completely.

Sometimes you realize it’s just not realistic for you to date anyone right now. Maybe your career is really starting to take off and you’re working 14 hours a day or maybe you realize you’re still hung up about what happened in your last relationship. Taking a step back from the dating world to focus on other priorities for a bit is sometimes the best thing for someone.

9. How many cats you have.

Okay, I’ll be real. If you have 5 cats that’s probably….yeah, that’s probably too much. That’s a lot of kitty litter. A lot of fur. Cleaning and poop scooping aside though, I think it’s weird when people make jokes about single girls and their cats like it’s completely desperate and spinstery. I get it. It’s a stereotype – single girl and her cats – haha. But like, I know way more single guys with cats than I do girls, so what now?

10. Not wanting to get married.

Marriage, like children, is a huge deal. I think I could be okay and feel fulfilled without ever being married. Do I want a long-term, committed relationship? Yeah, of course. But I don’t know if I need to sign a contract and walk down an aisle to profess my love to someone. A lot of women feel this way. And while some women have been dreaming about their wedding day since they were little girls, others have been dreaming about buying their first house or doing whatever it takes to score their dream job. I’m NOT saying you can’t do these things while also getting married. Just saying, some women aren’t interested in taking vows. And that’s okay.

11. How long it’s taken you to move on from an ex.

Some breakups are harder than others. Sometimes you break up with someone and you only need a couple weeks to deal with it. Other breakups it can take MONTHS to get over. Everyone’s different. Every breakup and relationship is different. Don’t rag on a friend because she still talks about her ex. Love is battlefield, ya know?

12. Your super single behavior.

The truth is you do different things when you’re single compared to when you’re in a relationship. When I was in a relationship did I eat Chinese take out every night and stay up til 3 a.m. watching Dirty Harry movies? Once in awhile, sure, but it’s just different when you’re committed. Your sig other keeps you busy and you fall into your own routine as a couple. When I’m single I keep weird hours and do random shit – why? Because I can. That’s the great thing about being single – you don’t have anyone to answer to.

13. Who you choose to spend your time with.

Depending on what’s going on in your life sometimes you just want to casually date a dude for awhile. You know he’s not going to be “the one” and you know a relationship will never happen but you enjoy his company when you have the free time to spend with someone. Does it really matter if your friends or anyone else like him? Not really.

14. Why you suck at this whole dating thing.

Relationships and love are tricky, tricky things. It’s okay to fail at a relationship, even if you gave it your best, even if you truly cared for that person. It’s okay to stumble, to fall, recognize your flaws and mistakes, and to get up once more and try again. You don’t need to explain what you’re working on with yourself or why your dating life hasn’t been that successful so far. TC mark

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