Next year I turn 30 and I would be bullshitting you if I told you I have it all figured out. I mean, does anyone have life ‘figured out’? I’m not sure if I even know what that really means. The older I get the less I care about comparing myself to my friends or peers and the more relaxed and comfortable I become with myself. But as much as I like to think I’ve grown and evolved throughout this decade I still realize somedays I feel completely unsure about certain things.
I think that’s why when I watched Frances Ha the other night for the first time I could really relate with her. Sometimes she was a bit too all over the place for me but then I realized her carefree attitude was very similar to my own.
At this age you’re old enough to know yourself better than you did a decade ago but you’re still like, wait, am I fully formed adult now? Is this what being a grown up is all about? And you question all sorts of things in life – if you should settle down, where you should live, the direction your career is going, when/if you should have children. You’re not testing your limits anymore just for the experience like you used to do in your early 20s but there’s still a sense of restlessness. It seems like people at this age are at two extremes – either they’re completely put together and look like they have their shit together (at least on social media) or they’re still a little…well, lost.
If you’re in your late 20s have you been dealing with similar themes? Let me know in the comments or send me an email. In the meantime here are some of my favorite quotes from Frances Ha that I think perfectly describe what the late-20s experience is like.
When you discover the exact kind of connection you want with someone
“It’s that thing when you’re with someone and you love them and they know it and they love you and you know it but it’s a party and you’re both talking to other people and you’re laughing and shining and you look across the room and catch each other’s eyes. But not because you’re possessive, or it’s precisely sexual, but because that is your person in this life and it’s funny and sad but only because this life will end and it’s this secret world that exists right there. In public. Unnoticed. That no one else knows about. It’s sort of like how they say that other dimensions exist all around us but we don’t have the ability to perceive them. That’s what I want out of a relationship. Or just life, I guess.”
When your friend confesses her life is just as messy as yours
“But your blog looks so happy.”
When you have to explain why you don’t have it figured out yet
“I’m so embarrassed. I’m not a real person yet.”
When it feels like your friendships are changing
“Sophie, I fucking held your head while you cried! I bought special milk for you. I know where you hide your pills. Don’t treat me like a three-hour brunch friend!”
When you try to relate to college kids on a visit to your alma mater
“It wasn’t that long ago that I went here. I’m only 27.”
When you get called out for not having a spotless apartment
“I’m not messy. I’m busy.”
When you’re actually getting shit done
“Sometimes it’s good to do what you’re supposed to when you’re supposed to do it.”
When you can find beauty within the flaws of your life
“I like things that look like mistakes.”
When you consider it’s possible you’ll be single forever
Benji: Are you still undateable?
Frances: Oh yes, very undateable.
When you’re being totally honest with someone about your career
Andy: So what do you do?
Frances: Eh… It’s kinda hard to explain.
Andy: Because what you do is complicated?
Frances: Eh… Because I don’t really do it.
When your levels of productiveness take on a whole new meaning
“I think it’s a great day. I ate an egg bagel that Lev’s slut made me. I internet-acquired three pairs of very rare Ray Bans. I’m doing awesome.”
When you’re faced with the reality you’re getting old(er)