1. You can’t tell the difference between someone who is just speaking to you and somebody who is trying to flirt with you, so you’re awkward about both.
2. Over half of your ‘first moves’ on people have been preceded by something like “Should I kiss you now?” or the awkward “Uh I think I am going to kiss you now.”
3. When your first date with them is for drinks, you drink two alone at another bar before the date.
4. Birthdays and holidays stress you out because it’s not like you’re just buying a gift for a friend or family member, it has to mean something, and you’re really not romantic enough to get anything that means something.
5. You have gotten the “I think we are supposed to kiss now but aren’t kissing and I’m just going to say goodbye and jog away now” situation down to a science.
6. You’re still not sure who’s supposed to pay for what, so you just kind of wait for them to either grab the check or stare at you awkwardly, to which you then awkwardly take the check, and they say ‘no, you don’t have to!’ but yeah, you kind of do. (You think…)
7. You have inexplicably never called back a lot of the people you had really great first dates with. There is some kind of weird fear that stops you.
8. You have no idea how or when you discuss what you two ‘are so you’ll literally avoid it until the last minute possible, or until there’s no other choice. This also leads to you getting really upset about relationships that were never actually anything at all (at least not mutually).
9. You are so self-conscious of talking about yourself too much that conversation gets boring, fast, because you’re compulsively going through a laundry list of questions for them — anything to avoid talking about yourself.
10. Someone asks if you have a significant other and your response is just laughter.
11. You’ve tried to sext. That’s all. You’ve tried.
12. You’re torn between feeling as though online dating is your only hope and being too awkward and uncomfortable to even complete your profile.
13. And if you have tried online dating you seriously feel like you will never quite “get” how it works. You honestly feel like it’s going through the sales rack. And forget messaging someone first. What do you even say to someone?
14. You’ve started thinking about how the idea of an arranged marriage actually doesn’t sound that bad.
15. Someone asks you the last time you went on a date and you can’t even remember. You think maybe it was that guy your best friend set you up with that turned out to be a total weirdo? Maybe? Your dating life is one blur of sadness.
16. “We’re… talking” is basically your go-to response when somebody asks if you’re seeing anybody.