I admit, I once broke up with someone in a not very nice way (forgive me, I was so young). Luckily, since then, I haven’t experienced or done anything quite as terrible. It seems breakups are a common theme right now. Maybe everyone’s trying to ditch everyone else before the holidays get here? I thought I’d ask some friends and randoms on the internet to tell me the most ridiculous way someone broke up with them. Here’s what they told me. Have your own ridiculous break up story you want to share with me? Either share it in the comments or send me an email at firstname.lastname@example.org.
1. “I dated someone for 7 years. 7 years!! We lived together for the last 4 years of the relationship and I had pretty much thought no matter what we would work it out. We had been through college, grad school, three cities, and post-grad life together. We didn’t really fight very often and we still had a decent sex life. Then one day I wake up to a text message and it says, “Left you money in an envelope that will cover my half of rent for the rest of the lease. Sorry I had to do it this way but I feel like if I stay I’ll never know what could have been. XX – Mark.” I was half asleep and was very confused. XX? He never signed any messages or notes like that. I go to the kitchen and there’s the envelope with cash and I see nearly all of his stuff is gone. When I tried calling him he wouldn’t answer. I never talked to him again after that. He either blocked me or disappeared from social media altogether. That happened a year ago and I still think WTF? about the whole thing. I still have no idea what happened to him. How can you just leave a 7 year relationship like that?” Krissy, 27.
2. “I had casually been dating someone all summer when we finally had the talk we were ready to take our relationship a step further. Everything was great for a few dates then he started acting weird – not answering my messages for long periods of time, saying he was too busy. Eventually he sent me a long Facebook message saying he was fucking his co-worker and that he decided him and I should just remain friends.” – Elsa, 29.
3. “Okay, so no one has done a ridiculous break up with me but I definitely had a ridiculous break up with someone else. I broke up with my ex while we were having sex. It sounds awful I know, trust me, I do. I regret it…the timing. Basically, we had been discussing breaking up for awhile and it was one of those things that just needed to happen but we were both so comfortable with each other it was hard to let go. Mid-thrust she said, “Just hold me close like you’re never going anywhere again” and I said, “Okay, it’s over!” and pulled out. I just got weirded out. I felt claustrophobic when she said that. Stayed friends for a couple years after.” – Brian, 33.
4. “I had been dating someone a year and thought everything was mostly going well. Well, I don’t know, did I? There were a lot of red flags – he couldn’t communicate, was always hiding his phone, always had girls spending the night when I wasn’t around. Anyway, we were dating a year and I told him I was leaving to go run some errands. I came back an hour later and I tried buzzing up to his apartment but no one answered. I thought that was weird because I knew both him and his roommate were home. I buzzed a few more times thinking maybe they were in the bathroom smoking together or something. 10 minutes later he comes downstairs with all of my shit in garbage bags. I asked him what was going on and he screamed, “YOU!!!!” then closed the door to his apartment building and ran upstairs. Completely stunned I just stood there for about 5 minutes not knowing what to do. Later, he sends me a snapchat with a picture of himself frowning saying. “Sorry it wasn’t working.” Never gave me any explanation. I wish I were kidding.” – Jackie, 26.
5. “I was seeing someone about three or four nights a week for 2 months and then she just stopped answering my texts. No explanation. No response. Nothing.” – Alex, 31.
6. “My ex-boyfriend catfished me on Ok Cupid then sent everything to my mom on Facebook. Yeahhhh. Real classy there.” – Rebecca, 27.
7. “I was traveling for work when the girl I had been dating for five years Skype’s me to tell me she wants to break up. I knew we had been having some issues (mostly because I was traveling so much lately for work) but I only had a week left of travel and I had been planning all of these things to talk about and do when I got back. I was heartbroken and asked if we could talk about it in person when I flew back. She said no, that she wouldn’t be there. It really ruined my last week of work. I really loved her and I would have done anything for her. I never cheated or lied or did stupid shit. I still think about her and wish things would have worked out.” – Derek, 34.
8. “I don’t know if the guy had watched Sex and the City or something but someone DID leave me a post-it note breakup once. We had been dating a couple months when I woke up to a post-it that said, ‘Sorry. Can’t do this. Hope U understand.’ The U still cracks me up. My break up post-it note didn’t even deserve the full spelling of ‘you.'” – Melissa, 24.
9. “Text message break ups are ridiculous. Even if they are becoming more common everytime I hear of someone breaking up that way I get mad. Is our generation really that fucking scared and pathetic you can’t look someone in the face or at least, at the VERY least, give them a phone call to tell them it’s over? This is someone you had sex with, shared very intimate details with, and that’s how you choose to break up with them? And yes, this is how someone broke up with me recently.” – Craig, 25.
10. “We were walking through Target looking at Christmas decorations and she says, ‘You know what? I don’t think I’m happy in our relationship anymore.’ I was like, what?? Okay, let’s talk about this more. She said, ‘Nah, I just know I’m not happy. Guess we should end it?'” – James, 28.
11. “He called to tell me his therapist didn’t think it was a good idea if we were dating anymore.” – Patricia, 27.
12. “One night I asked my guy to come hang out with me and the girls. It was the first time I had seen my college girlfriends in forever. We’re all at dinner and he says, ‘I’m sorry guys. I just can’t do this anymore. Lindsay – I’ve loved you so much. But I feel like I’m not doing everything I want to do in life while being in a relationship. I’m sorry.’ Then gets up and leaves the table! I was so embarrassed and all my friends were looking at me like, ‘did he really just do that?'” – Lindsay, 25.
13. “My boyfriend and I were having a hard time but I didn’t think it was anything worth breaking up over. I went over to his house to hang out one night and his roommate hands me a backpack full of my stuff. He refused to come outside and speak to me. We never talked again after that. He even deleted his Facebook.” – Kris, 22.
14. “I had reconnected with this girl I knew from high school when I moved to a new city (we had both just moved there, it was a strange coincidence) and we began dating for a few months. It seemed like everything was going good and when I found out I had to go away on business for work for a month I wanted to discuss us and what we were. She completely avoided the questions and just said that we’d talk about it when I got back into town. We had been seeing each other about 3 nights a week every week so although I thought it was odd she didn’t want to put a label on anything I just figured maybe she wanted to take things slow. I texted her a couple times on my trip telling her I was excited to see her with barely any response from her. Then once I got back in town I sent her a message saying, “Hey, would love to see you.” She never responded. Never heard from her again. We weren’t an official couple and it wasn’t an official breakup but it still stung pretty bad. I still don’t know what happened.” – Mike, 30.
15. “My boyfriend wrote for a major blog site and he would write posts regularly about how he was cheating on me and how miserable it was to be in a long term relationship. He’d always try and turn the posts into ‘woe-is-me-I-don’t-know-how-to-end-it.’ I didn’t see the posts until someone pointed them out but I was totally shocked. It was a bad way to end the relationship.” – Amy, 29.
16. “I was in Seattle visiting my friends when my boyfriend of 7 months Skyped me with some girl sitting next to him. He told me very calmly that the girl was someone he had been seeing and he hoped I wouldn’t be mad but could we still be friends? He asked me to be happy for him and told me he wished me the best. We had been dating for 7 months at this point. I still wonder if I was Punk’d” – Lauren, 23.