13 Ways To Spot An Emotionally Unavailable Person


1. They straight up tell you they’re bad at relationships.

They hint at how their last relationship ended and tell you they’re just not good at being someone’s boy/girl friend.

2. They can’t ever make plans or flake out last minute.

They tell you their life is just so busy and that’s why they can’t make concrete plans. When they do make plans they often get cancelled or changed because something “came up” they forgot about. They can’t be inconvenienced to change their schedule to see you and expect your schedule to revolve around them.

3. They’re terrible at communicating in a timely manner.

Texts go ignored for an entire day, despite seeing them on Facebook, but they have no problem texting you back and forth at 2 a.m. on a Saturday when they think they’re going to get laid.

4. They’re great at short-term intimacy but cool off once the chase is over.

They got what they wanted and either consciously or unconsciously don’t have the ability to invest in anything deeper. Where once they were talking to you all the time when you first met now you’re lucky if you hear from them once a week.

5. You always feel like you’re the one initiating communication or trying to make plans.

You continually play the who will text who first game. When they do text you first after a long time period of not talking it’s something totally banal. Maybe they tell you they miss you or want to see you but rarely do they follow through on actually asking you to do something.

6. They’re always late.

Even if you’ve been planning a date for days they always show up behind schedule. When it comes down to it they just don’t respect you and your time.

7. They’re evasive.

When you ask them basic questions about what they’ve been up to they change the question or avoid it all together.

8. They never think about inviting you out with them.

You always extend an invitation if you’re headed out for the night but they never do the same. Even if you both know the same people and are headed to the same bar or event they never suggest you two should go together.

9. They talk about their exes all the time.

Nearly every time you hang the conversation ends up in a story about something their ex did or said. You can sense anger or sadness in their voice and it’s evident they’re still not completely over their former relationship.

10. It doesn’t really feel like they care about your life.

They know you have a big day at work coming up but they don’t ask about it after to see how it went. They like your Facebook statuses but never inquire more about your day to day activities.

11. Their behavior is hot and cold.

When you’re with them it’s amazing. You have so much fun together and they love flattering you, telling you how smart/interesting/wonderful you are.  In a perfect world you could totally see yourself together but once you’re out of sight, you’re out of mind. When you’re not with them you’re not even sure if they’re thinking about you.

12. They’re never there for you when you need them.

You invite them to be your plus one at a party but they can’t commit to the plans and end up flaking out. You want to celebrate a new achievement but they’re MIA. And don’t even think about calling or texting them when you might want any type of emotional support. They won’t be there.

13. You know you can’t ever spontaneously hang out with them.

It’s 7 p.m. on a Tuesday and you’re bored. You think about getting a hold of them to see if they want to check out a movie or just hang out but you know they’re going to say no. Their life is too busy/complicated for that sort of thing. It seems like you always have to make plans far in advance just to spend a few hours with them. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

Former senior staff writer and producer at Thought Catalog.

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