Stay Single Until You Become A Person Like This

Woman staring at camera
Sabrina May

Stay single until falling in love means finding a partner, not a purpose.

Stay single until you have concrete goals, and plans, and dreams, and places you want to go. It doesn’t mean you have to have accomplished all (or any) of those things yet. It just means that you need to find purpose within yourself, so that the person who one day becomes your significant other will always be a teammate and partner but never the sole reason that you have to exist.

Stay single until you know who you are outside of whoever you date.

Stay single until you understand yourself outside of the relationship you’re in – where you know what kind of person you are and what you like and what you want to spend your days doing, without needing a significant other to define those things for you.

Stay single until you love yourself enough so that another person’s love makes you joyful and happy and full, but not whole.

Stay single until your own self-love is enough for you. Stay single until you learn how to be proud of yourself when you accomplish something, and how to be gentle with yourself when you fail. Become someone who knows how to love their own company, so that you can still find joy and fullness with a significant other without ever depending on them for completeness and wholeness.

Stay single until you love yourself for the right reasons.

Stay single until you love yourself not for how much money you make, or for how cool your life looks on Instagram.

Instead, stay single until you love yourself for experiencing hardship and continuing to get out of bed anyway. Stay single until you love yourself for the fact that sometimes you’re scared, or intimidated, or insecure, and you try things anyway. Stay single until you love yourself for the fact that you’re kind to people for no reason other than to be kind. Stay single until you love yourself for being vulnerable, and for taking risks, and for trying to be a better person every single day.

Stay single until you become someone who lives boldly.

Stay single until you’re someone who makes an effort to feel alive every day. Stay single until you are someone who makes yourself try things that scare you, and things that expand your world, and things that are outside of your comfort zone, and things you know nothing about but want to learn something about. Become the kind of person whose thirst and thrill and joy for life are constant companions among you, so that you never become complacent or idle or empty.

Stay single until you become someone like this. And once you do, take your time to enjoy it. Remember that you are not becoming this person for someone else, you are becoming this person for you. Give yourself time to live it, to experience this life and this self all on your own. If a soulmate happens to come into the picture, great. They will only be bringing more joy, and laughter, and lightness into a life that is already complete, and filled, and whole. TC mark

Kim Quindlen

I'm a staff writer for Thought Catalog. I like comedy and improv. I live in Chicago. My Uber rating is just okay.

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Image Credit: Sabrina May

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