18 Ways You’re Making Your Love Life Harder Than It Has To Be



Thinking of lasting love as something that just happens to you, rather than looking at it as something that you choose, every day.


Believing that the course of your love life must follow a very specific timeline, instead of believing that whatever way it happens for you is the right way.


Convincing yourself that real love is supposed to feel easy, natural, and effortless one hundred percent of the time, instead of looking at love as something that needs to be nurtured and constantly worked on.


Searching for someone who magically has every quality on your checklist, rather than searching for someone with whom you feel a true, honest, and genuine connection.


Becoming addicted to the ‘falling’ stage of love, and panicking when you’ve reached the deeper, more comfortable stage that love naturally progresses to.


Analyzing your love life based solely off of the carefully selected information shared by other couples on social media.


Confusing infatuation with true, lasting feelings.


Assuming that you won’t find love until you ‘fix’ something about yourself, rather than learning to love yourself as you are.


Forgetting that your physical attraction to your partner can go through high and low phases, and that this is completely normal.


Allowing yourself think that if you reach a certain age, it’s best to just let yourself settle for what you’ve got, even if you don’t feel that they’re the right person for you.


Feeling that you owe anybody any explanation when they ask why you’re “still single.”


Staying with someone you don’t love because it feels less scary than being alone or starting over.


Deciding that a relationship must mean the end of your independence or your sense of individuality.


Making decisions based on who looks good on paper, rather than listening to your gut.


Looking at dating apps as one extreme or the other – either they’re your shameful, desperate, last resort attempt at love, or they’re something you would never, ever try.


…Rather than looking at dating apps in a neutral light, as a way to potentially meet new people and figure out what you’re looking for in another person, as long as you pick an app that suits your needs and introduces you to the types of people who are looking for the same thing as you.


Subconsciously seeking ‘permission’ from your friends when you’re making a decision about your love life, instead of asking for advice and then deciding on your own what you want to do.


Trying to find your happiness within someone else, instead of looking at your significant other as someone who will support you and encourage you while you’re on your own path to fulfillment. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

About the author

Kim Quindlen

I’m a staff writer for Thought Catalog. I like comedy and improv. I live in Chicago. My Uber rating is just okay.

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