23 Honest (And Hilarious) Vows Every Millennial Couple Needs To Make Right Now

zubeyda.ismailova
zubeyda.ismailova

1. I promise that I will only make fun of your ugly sleeping face every other night, instead of every single night.

2. I vow to apologize whenever I scream at you to “turn your fucking alarm off!” in a slumberous fit of rage.

3. I promise to be the one to handle the food delivery order whenever you’re more hungover than me.

4. I promise I’ll still be into you even if we both gain the Freshman 15 of long-term commitment.

5. I promise to always screenshot the Facebook statuses of people we have a mutual distaste for and then text them to you with no explanation needed.

6. I vow to never watch an episode of a show that we’re bingewatching together without you there by my side.

7. Unless it’s like so good that you can’t even be mad about it.

8. I vow to always try to decipher between my hanger and my anger before I actually yell at you.

9. I’ll probably be super grossed out when you’re sick, but I promise I’ll still think you’re cute even when you’re a big, pukey mess.

10. I promise that even while we’re trying to grocery shop like adults, I’m always down to sneak some Pop Tarts or Gushers into our cart too.

11. I promise that if you shoot me a grin with a raised eyebrow while we’re at a social function, I’ll always know that this is your discreet way of asking Do I have anything in my teeth?

12. I promise that there will still be occasional nights where we get as drunk as a couple of idiot 16-year-olds.

13. Whenever we’re on a road trip, I vow to grab your favorite candy while I’m peeing inside the gas station and you’re filling up the tank.

14. I vow to always let you blame me when you don’t feel like going out with your friends.

15. And I vow to always blame you too, because using your significant other as an excuse for staying in is as real as love can get.

16. I promise we will budget for Netflix and Spotify the way our parents budgeted for cleaning supplies and other adulty things.

17. I promise to slow down the car while I’m driving so you can catch that Charizard hanging out in the Walgreens parking lot.

18. I vow to make a plan to get up early in the morning and jog together. And then, when the alarm goes off, to throw said plan out the window.

19. I promise to always make snarky eye contact with you when we’re in a social setting and someone we don’t like says something obnoxious.

20. I promise to always accidentally watch a Harry Potter marathon on Freeform abcFamily with you for an entire weekend.

21. I promise you that I will remember the code names we’ve invented for every single person who annoys you at work, and I know you’ll do the same for me.

22. I vow that I will always buy cheap wine because neither one of us is classy enough to notice the difference.

23. Even though sometimes we annoy the hell out of each other, I promise that you’ll always be my person no matter what. TC mark

Kim Quindlen

I'm a staff writer for Thought Catalog. I like comedy and improv. I live in Chicago. My Uber rating is just okay.

Trace the scars life has left you. It will remind you that at one point, you fought for something. You believed.

“You are the only person who gets to decide if you are happy or not—do not put your happiness into the hands of other people. Do not make it contingent on their acceptance of you or their feelings for you. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter if someone dislikes you or if someone doesn’t want to be with you. All that matters is that you are happy with the person you are becoming. All that matters is that you like yourself, that you are proud of what you are putting out into the world. You are in charge of your joy, of your worth. You get to be your own validation. Please don’t ever forget that.” — Bianca Sparacino

Excerpted from The Strength In Our Scars by Bianca Sparacino.

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