23 Honest (And Hilarious) Vows Every Millennial Couple Needs To Make Right Now


1. I promise that I will only make fun of your ugly sleeping face every other night, instead of every single night.

2. I vow to apologize whenever I scream at you to “turn your fucking alarm off!” in a slumberous fit of rage.

3. I promise to be the one to handle the food delivery order whenever you’re more hungover than me.

4. I promise I’ll still be into you even if we both gain the Freshman 15 of long-term commitment.

5. I promise to always screenshot the Facebook statuses of people we have a mutual distaste for and then text them to you with no explanation needed.

6. I vow to never watch an episode of a show that we’re bingewatching together without you there by my side.

7. Unless it’s like so good that you can’t even be mad about it.

8. I vow to always try to decipher between my hanger and my anger before I actually yell at you.

9. I’ll probably be super grossed out when you’re sick, but I promise I’ll still think you’re cute even when you’re a big, pukey mess.

10. I promise that even while we’re trying to grocery shop like adults, I’m always down to sneak some Pop Tarts or Gushers into our cart too.

11. I promise that if you shoot me a grin with a raised eyebrow while we’re at a social function, I’ll always know that this is your discreet way of asking Do I have anything in my teeth?

12. I promise that there will still be occasional nights where we get as drunk as a couple of idiot 16-year-olds.

13. Whenever we’re on a road trip, I vow to grab your favorite candy while I’m peeing inside the gas station and you’re filling up the tank.

14. I vow to always let you blame me when you don’t feel like going out with your friends.

15. And I vow to always blame you too, because using your significant other as an excuse for staying in is as real as love can get.

16. I promise we will budget for Netflix and Spotify the way our parents budgeted for cleaning supplies and other adulty things.

17. I promise to slow down the car while I’m driving so you can catch that Charizard hanging out in the Walgreens parking lot.

18. I vow to make a plan to get up early in the morning and jog together. And then, when the alarm goes off, to throw said plan out the window.

19. I promise to always make snarky eye contact with you when we’re in a social setting and someone we don’t like says something obnoxious.

20. I promise to always accidentally watch a Harry Potter marathon on Freeform abcFamily with you for an entire weekend.

21. I promise you that I will remember the code names we’ve invented for every single person who annoys you at work, and I know you’ll do the same for me.

22. I vow that I will always buy cheap wine because neither one of us is classy enough to notice the difference.

23. Even though sometimes we annoy the hell out of each other, I promise that you’ll always be my person no matter what. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

I’m a staff writer for Thought Catalog. I like comedy and improv. I live in Chicago. My Uber rating is just okay.

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