18 Unromantic Truths About Love You Should Accept Right Now If You Want A Strong Relationship

1. The little things always seem little at the time, but years down the line, you will realize that they are what make up the very essence of your relationship.

2. Love is always going to be a gamble. You can get as close as possible to knowing in your gut that you’re with the right person, but there’s no way to ever be 100% sure, because none of us can predict the future.

3. It’s more important to consciously choose them every single day than it is to believe that you were simply “meant to fall in love.” Whether you realize it or not, you’re the one that decided to take this leap with them – you’re not just a passive pawn on Fate’s chessboard.

4. Sometimes, when you’re frustrated, you’re going to think that shutting down and emotionally removing yourself from the problem at hand is the mature thing to do.

5. But suppressing your feelings and closing yourself off to your partner is just as hurtful to them (and harmful to your relationship) as lashing out or yelling. Sometimes, it’s even more detrimental.

6. At times it will feel strange to become so open with another person – not caring when they see you in your most hideous state, being more concerned with having a good sleep than with looking adorable while doing so, having no shame regarding bodily functions, etc.

7. But these sort of things are also what bring you to the next level of intimacy in your relationship – being so close with someone that you feel like they’re the only person in the world who knows the unedited, unfiltered, unperfected version of you. The only person who knows the realest, most simple version of you and loves you because of it.

8. The novelty of a being with a new person is infatuating, but its inability to last long-term is what makes it so addictive in the first place.

9. A lasting relationship will not always feel as exciting and thrilling as the beginning of a new fling, but it’s far more likely to provide you with lasting happiness and contentment.

10. Sometimes your significant other is going to absolutely drive you crazy – and not in a passionate, head-over-heels kind of way.

11. It will be more like a you-are-annoying-the-hell-out-of-me-and-it’s-not-cute kind of way. And you just have to accept that it’s totally normal.

12. Physical attraction is important, but everybody gets old. The more attracted you are to their values and to their personality in the beginning, the more likely they are to just become more attractive to you as you grow old together.

13. No couple is immune to issues, arguments, and disagreements. The ones that last are simply the ones who figure out how to work through it, no matter how long it takes or how unpleasant it may be.

14. You will never be completely in love with every single aspect of your significant other. Some of their quirks will be irresistible, some will drive you up the wall. What’s important is that you love them as a whole, without trying to change them into a flawless, ideal partner (who will never exist).

15. It’s easy to be in love when things are simple; it’s harder to be in love when it feels like every part of your life is a struggle. But you become much closer as a couple when you go through shitty times together, as opposed to the uncomplicated phases of life.

16. It’s normal to love someone very deeply but to sometimes not like them.

17. You will never be completely fulfilled by another person. They can make you feel whole, loved, and happy. But you will not be able to find the pure meaning and purpose of your life within them – they can be part of it, but they are not the answer to it.

18. Sometimes, loving your partner will not be effortless. It will take work. That doesn’t make your relationship a failure. It just makes you both real. TC mark

Kim Quindlen

I'm a staff writer for Thought Catalog. I like comedy and improv. I live in Chicago. My Uber rating is just okay.

Trace the scars life has left you. It will remind you that at one point, you fought for something. You believed.

“You are the only person who gets to decide if you are happy or not—do not put your happiness into the hands of other people. Do not make it contingent on their acceptance of you or their feelings for you. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter if someone dislikes you or if someone doesn’t want to be with you. All that matters is that you are happy with the person you are becoming. All that matters is that you like yourself, that you are proud of what you are putting out into the world. You are in charge of your joy, of your worth. You get to be your own validation. Please don’t ever forget that.” — Bianca Sparacino

Excerpted from The Strength In Our Scars by Bianca Sparacino.

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  • https://healing.ly Walter

    I would add a 19. which is that the relationship will teach you whether you love yourself enough or whether the other person showing his or her adoration is what you cal love. If it’s the latest it’s not love and you need to go back to yourself and work on your self-love.

  • http://gypsymuseblog.wordpress.com Gypsy_muse

    Very true. I wrote about something similar in my post Soulmates vs. Partners.
    https://gypsymuseblog.wordpress.com/2015/11/30/soulmates-vs-partners/
    Great post!

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