1. You go through the same experience every Monday: your brain is like ‘What was that thing I was looking forward to tonight?’ And then you remember that that thing is watching The Bachelor, and you experience a bunch of excitement followed by a flood of shame over the fact that this is the person you have become.
2. You talk to the contestants as if they’re right in front of you. “Leah come on girl, we all know you’re full of shit” or “Lace you need to chill out for a hot sec.”
3. You’ve definitely gone to some version of a Bachelor viewing party before. And you drank white wine and you ate cutesy little appetizers from a recipe that somebody found off Pinterest. And you hated yourself the whole time, but also posted Snapchat stories with captions like “Just embrace it.”
4. You yell at Chris every time he says it’s “The most dramatic season in Bachelor history.”
5. You’ve unintentionally gotten a lot of people you care about hooked on this show – your roommate, your brother, your mom, your boyfriend. And when they’re texting you with their minute-by-minute reactions to what’s happening, you feel an intense amount of pride, shame, and terror all at once.
6. You’re well-aware that part of you watches it all for the drama, and part of you just watches it to feel better about yourself. Whatever.
7. You’ve gotten into arguments about the show and about the contestants with people you barely knew, and used very specific details to back up your point of view.
8. ….and then realized, when it was already too late, that you had said too much and outed yourself as a dedicated fan.
9. You looked up one day only to realize you’ve been following multiple contestants on Instagram for MONTHS. With no hint of stopping.
10. You squirm with discomfort and tension every time the show cuts to staged shots of the bachelor or the contestants working out, walking alone down a street, or bathing awkwardly in an inexplicable outdoor shower.
11. You’re quite possibly in a Bachelor bracket with a bunch of coworkers or friends from college, and it’s awoken a competitive monster inside of you that has been dormant for some time now.
12. Whenever your pick for the frontrunner doesn’t move on to the next episode, you’re devastated. But when she does, you can’t resist smack-talking to everybody else in your bracket. “It’s all in good fun” except when it’s NOT, Denise.
13. If people try to make plans with you on Monday nights, you either make up an excuse that makes it obviously that you’re lying, or you tell them you have plans to watch The Bachelor with your roommates and then feel the need to apologize multiple times.
14. You want so badly to make fun of the celebrities that come on the Bachelor Live show but you can’t… because you’re still sitting there too, watching it and unable to look away.
15. You trade theories about the ending with your friends and hate how excited you get about it.
16. You instinctively click on any internet article that comes up about the show and always fall down a twenty-minute rabbit hole of “Where are they now?!” articles.
17. You’ve embraced the fact that saying you have a ‘love-hate’ relationship with the show doesn’t make it any more admirable.