15 Signs That It’s Actually Impossible For You To Arrive Anywhere On Time

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1. Part of your ‘getting ready’ routine involves coming up with the apology text explaining why you’re going to be fifteen minutes late.

2. And you usually start crafting it in your head before you’re even sure that you are going to be late (but lol, you’re pretty sure though).

3. You also have to set aside at least two hours for fixing your hair and choosing an outfit, mostly because you’ll spend an hour and forty-six minutes of that time laying on your bed either watching Netflix or doing nothing.

4. The number of instances in which you sent the “On my way!!” text while you were still putting on pants is inappropriate.

5. You’re even late when it comes to getting into your Uber on time. Somehow, in-between you ordering the Uber and actually getting inside the car, three other things come up that demand your immediate attention. Usually what happens is you just get overconfident about being able to brush your teeth, grab your bag, and hunt down your keys in the two minutes it takes for the Uber to get to your front door.

6. When being late is absolutely not an option, such as a job interview, a wedding, or a plane you have to catch, you give yourself at least a one or two hour cushion period on top of the amount of time a normal person needs. And you still end up running down to the very. last. minute.

7. The number of times you hit the ‘Snooze’ button every morning is actually offensive. It’s pretty much the main reason that you arrive to work every single day sweating and out of breath.

8. And when other people joke that they hit ‘Snooze’ three or four times before they get up, you’re just like “Aw, that’s cute.”

9. When plans are being made in the group text, you will always be called out when everyone is discussing what time to meet up.

10. Usually they just pick a time and then add on a twenty minute grace period for when they assume you will arrive.

11. You make plans in your head to arrive super early instead, thinking That’ll show them. But then you fall into a black hole of pointless things like bingewatching YouTube videos, reading Wikipedia articles about things you don’t care about, and scrolling through Instagrams of the kind of people who use ‘Fit Tea.’ And the next thing you know, you’re crafting your ‘why I’m gonna be late’ text.

12. When you are under absolutely zero time constraints, there is never any traffic and you hit every single green light. But when you’re running sixteen minutes late, everything that could possibly delay your commute even further will absolutely happen. Such is life.

13. Then when you tell your friends about all these insane reasons why you were late(r than usual), they just smile disinterestedly because you giving your ‘this is why I’m late speech’ is simply standard practice.

14. You’re unsure of what it feels like to walk anywhere in a leisurely manner. Because you’re always the person walking around that leisurely person because you’re already running so far behind.

15. People often say that lateness is a sign of arrogance, as if your time is more important than that of others. And you definitely understand why they would say that and why they would feel that way. But in actuality, your lateness is usually just a sign of you being an overly-optimistic idiot. TC mark

Kim Quindlen

I'm a staff writer for Thought Catalog. I like comedy and improv. I live in Chicago. My Uber rating is just okay.

Trace the scars life has left you. It will remind you that at one point, you fought for something. You believed.

“You are the only person who gets to decide if you are happy or not—do not put your happiness into the hands of other people. Do not make it contingent on their acceptance of you or their feelings for you. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter if someone dislikes you or if someone doesn’t want to be with you. All that matters is that you are happy with the person you are becoming. All that matters is that you like yourself, that you are proud of what you are putting out into the world. You are in charge of your joy, of your worth. You get to be your own validation. Please don’t ever forget that.” — Bianca Sparacino

Excerpted from The Strength In Our Scars by Bianca Sparacino.

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