30 Things You Need To Do For Yourself When You’re Going Through A Breakup


1. Be both gentle and strict with yourself. Allow yourself time to grieve, to feel lost, to hate being alone. And then force yourself to get up and keep living.

2. Vow to learn from the mistakes you may have made in the relationship, and then forgive yourself and forget about it.

3. Read a book that is both relaxing to you and a total break from your normal reality. Fantasy, mystery, thriller – whatever is effortless and exciting for you to read, and takes you completely out of your regular world.

4. Find the people you trust, and learn how to reach out to them when you’re feeling vulnerable.

5. Start a series that you’ve been meaning to binge-watch for a long time but have not yet gotten to.

6. Indulge in a purchase that’s going to make you feel good about yourself. Racking up an insane credit card bill is not going to make you happy, but making one or two purposeful, well-researched purchases on things you really want (new make up, a gym membership, art classes, whatever) will certainly perk you up a bit.

7. Surround yourself with people that make you feel the most like you.

8. Keep a stash of something you can treat yourself to after a bad day: wine, chocolate, ice cream, beer. But whatever this specific item is, save it only for the really bad days, to make it all the more special.

9. Get more sleep. If you’re having trouble with it, try an over-the-counter supplement like melatonin.

10. Start to look at your time alone as a luxury instead of something to dread, by finding fun and relaxing things that you can do all on your own.

11. Admit to your friends and family when you need help: therapy, low-key social interactions, a visit, or even just an affectionate hug.

12. Know that asking for help makes you strong, not weak.

13. Get a massage.

14. Get another massage.

15. Maintain a healthy distance from your ex. Texts and phone calls will be tempting, but it’s important (especially in the beginning) to have a cold break that allows you to get acclimated to your new reality.

16. Avoid wasting energy worrying about the other people that your ex may or may not be dating or hooking up with. You probably won’t be able to fully stop yourself from wondering about it, but make a conscious effort to shush your mind when you feel the worry coming on.

17. Take long, aimless walks. Even ten minutes can be beneficial to your mood.

18. If you’ve wanted to adopt a pet for a long time (and are financially and logistically capable of taking care of another living being), now is the time.

19. Go out of your way to find things to be thankful for in each day.

20. Invest in a super comfortable, warm bedspread if you don’t already have one.

21. Make an effort to be kinder to other people. It will make you feel happier, too.

22. Don’t waste your days obsessing over what could have been.

23. Instead, think about the reasons why your relationship didn’t work out, and what you need from a relationship next time around that was missing this past time. Use this as a learning experience.

24. Find a positive mantra to repeat in your head every day, even if it’s as simple as I can do this or I’m going to be alright. 

25. Look people in the eye when you talk to them. It’s a small change that will make you feel so much more connected to others, which can be especially helpful during a time when you feel very alone.

26. Remind yourself that a new relationship is not the way to heal yourself. It can surely make you happier; but the way to heal is to learn how to be happy on your own before you attempt to find happiness with another person again.

27. Go out for a long, ridiculous meal with a close friend.

28. Do nice things for other people. Often, we are at our happiest when we are making other people happy through small acts of goodness and generosity.

29. Spend your time doing things that you actually like to do – not what you think you should like to do, simply because it’s what other people like to do.

30. Be truthful to yourself, to your life, and to the relationships that are most important to you. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

I’m a staff writer for Thought Catalog. I like comedy and improv. I live in Chicago. My Uber rating is just okay.

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