1. You could get 6 hours of sleep or 18. It doesn’t matter. Mornings are the work of the devil, no matter what.
2. It usually takes you about three hours to reply to any and all texts you received overnight. Because thinking before 10 am is hard.
3. You make no attempt to look friendly or cheery on your commute to work. Let the people see you as they should! Pale, lifeless, dead inside.
4. And when you get to work, you do everything in your power to avoid that peppy, talkative coworker. The one who tries to chat with you in the kitchen and says things like “It’s great to be alive” while you’re falling asleep as you pour your coffee.
5. Your version of combatting a morning hangover is just sleeping until the morning is over.
6. The phrase “the early bird catches the worm” is the bane of your existence.
7. While other kids were watching Saturday morning cartoons back in the day, you were casually sleeping until noon, with zero qualms about the fact that you were missing Doug.
8. If you’re enjoying a nice weekend or a vacation and someone asks if you want to get up early tomorrow for a nice walk or jog, you can’t help but LOL in their face.
9. You’re not really an afternoon person either. In fact, until you’ve reached early evening, you’re basically just not a person.
10. Your coworkers were shocked the first time they saw you at happy hour. It was a whole new side of you. You were talkative, excited, alive, etc.
11. Sleeping is an incredible, incredible feeling. But nothing is more sickly glorious than sleeping while you listen to somebody else get ready for work.
12. Any emojis you use before noon involve angry, sad, crying, or displeased faces.
13. You set 6-7 alarms every morning, because you usually don’t even hear the first 3-4. Your hand just automatically shuts them off. You’re like a sleeping ninja.
14. When you tell your friends that you “slept in” over the weekend, they have to ask you what you mean by that. For them, sleeping in means sleeping until 9 or 10. For you, it could literally mean anything.
15. You read tons of articles about how to become a better morning person. But at this point, it’s more so out of habit than out of the belief that anything will actually help you change.
16. Anytime you have to get up early on the weekend, all you can think is WHY IS ANYONE ALIVE RIGHT NOW BY CHOICE?!
17. Whenever you get up early, you feel hungover, even if you didn’t have a drop of alcohol the night before.