1. Any time a study is published about the benefits of being sarcastic, approximately 20 different people email it to you or tag you in a Facebook post about it.
2. Being around super sweet people often makes you nervous. Not because you don’t like them, but because you’re afraid that you’re going to accidentally hurt their feelings in a matter of seconds.
3. …So when it comes to finding friends, your only choice is basically to find people who are just as brutal as you are.
4. You pretty much live two separate lives when it comes to your work life and your real life. Because if you were as sarcastic with your coworkers as you are with your friends, you would absolutely be fired.
5. Everybody tells you there’s a certain face you make that is known as your “sarcastic face.” You, however, just think of it as your “face.”
6. You find new people exhausting, because you have to be nice and friendly to them… until you know them well enough to unveil your true self.
7. Every time you write someone a nice card, be it for their birthday or wedding or whatever, you have to include the phrase “I’m not being sarcastic when I say this” multiple times.
8. Small talk makes you feel dead on the inside.
9. If you’re going to post an Instagram photo, the caption is always going to be some kind of joke.
10. You probably came across this post because one of your friends saw it and made you read it.
11. If you are forced to watch a movie with your friends that you really don’t want to see, the only thing keeping you from providing a consistent sarcastic commentary throughout the film is respect for your friends.
12. Sue Sylvester from Glee speaks to you in a way that no fictional character ever has before.
13. Any compliment or nice thing you say to a friend or family member must always be prefaced with, “Now, I actually mean this…” Or else they just assume you’re making fun of them.
14. You’re fine with the fact that some people may find your sarcasm unappealing. It’s an acquired taste.
15. …And you get why some people find sarcasm to be off-putting. So while you make an effort to try to be as open-minded and warm as you can, you also appreciate sarcasm for the fact that it allows you to bond with certain people in a silly and strangely honest way.
16. You try to stay away from the phrase, “Way to go!” Because even when you really mean it, it just does more harm than good.
17. Same goes for the following phrases: good for you, yay, that’s awesome, terrific you’re hilarious, totally, well done. No matter how hard you try, no matter how hard you smile, you will always sound like a dick. Good for you.