What You Should Know Before You Date A Yas Kween

Broad City Facebook Page
Broad City Facebook Page

In a world full of no’s, all she ever does is say yas (kween).

People have tried to knock her down, time and time again. But she keeps getting up on that metaphorical horse, or cat, and showing the world that she’s not afraid to be who she is. A go-getter. A badass. A boss, one who read half of the book #GIRLBOSS but will get to the second half eventually so just CALM DOWN she has a lot on her plate right now.

She finds other people’s pictures of their babies on Facebook to be slightly annoying. She has a love-hate relationship with PicStitch. Sometimes, when she’s visiting a new city, she eats at The Cheesecake Factory because she’s fucking tired and it’s too exhausting to hunt down some unique Instagram-worthy corner bistro.

She considers Chipotle to be in its own category on the food pyramid. She’s open to the idea of having children one day, mostly so that she can use the “Reserved For Expectant Mothers” prime parking spots at the grocery store.

She thinks “lingerie parties” are bullshit and if/when she gets married, she’ll probably have a “sweatpants party” instead in which everyone has to bring her a pair of oversized, heinously disgusting and incredibly comfortable gray sweatpants.

She doesn’t really care about anything except for being happy and real, because she’s a yas kween.

She ignores every person and every thing that’s trying to hold her back. FitBits. Movember. Friends who just want to talk about how they keep losing weight and they’re ~*not even trying*~. Fox News. Penelope Disick.

Her t-shirts say things like “Fearless.” Or “I woke up like this.” Or, for whatever reason, “Carrots.” Because who gives a flying fuck if her t-shirts make sense. Whatever she feels like wearing is the right choice.

She wears her hair long and wavy, or perfectly sleek, or she buzzes it all off, or she has a spur-of-the-moment desire to chop off twelve inches. And she doesn’t give a fuck. Because being a yas queen has no physical requirements, accept that of loving the shit out of yourself.

She feels unique about the fact that she has a crush on Ruby Rose, regardless of the fact that every other girl out there feels the same way and she knows that so shut up and just LET HER HAVE THIS. She considers watching Orange Is The New Black in under two days to be a legitimate accomplishment. Because it is.

She has her shit together. But at the same time, she has nothing together. Sometimes she leaves her clean clothes sitting in the laundry basket for six days and will just continually go back to it and pull things out until it’s time to do laundry all over again. Sometimes, for lunch, she eats a bag of Doritos and a humongous fountain soda. Sometimes she’ll pay for a gym membership and forget to go for an entire month. She will not apologize for this.

She can rock any look. Because she always chooses to wear what she’s comfortable in. Oftentimes, you will see her and have a strange desire desire to yell “SLAY” when you don’t even know why. Just embrace this feeling.

She hates accidentally opening her camera app on her phone when it’s front-facing, but she will never waste an opportunity to snap a photo of her quadruple chin and send it to her friends. Because that’s what true camaraderie is.

Whenever she’s about to bash someone, she has a bad habit of beginning the sentence with, “I love her to death, but….” and she’s trying to quit.

When people say the word “CrossFit” out loud, she shutters uncontrollably. When she runs into a former friend or colleague and they say, “We should get lunch sometime!!!!” but don’t mean it, she gives them her best polite smile, without ever agreeing to said fake meet-up.

Saturday Night Live
Saturday Night Live

She’ll respond “LOL” to video links you send her, without ever watching them, because who the fuck has time for that? She’s busy. Watch “angry businessman face plants” on your own time and let her organize her entire room and life take Buzzfeed quizzes in peace. The only exception is the YASS CAT video. She will always watch that.

Do not take your position lightly. Dating a Yas Kween is a privilege, not a right. Enjoy every moment. Be present. Breathe in the fresh air of her Glade plug-in and appreciate that you get to lay in bed with her, laughing at the Instagram selfies people post with quotes attributed to Marilyn Monroe that were actually said by Octomom.

You are lucky. You are with a kween who will make you happier than you could ever imagine. Most of all, you are #BLESSED. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

I’m a staff writer for Thought Catalog. I like comedy and improv. I live in Chicago. My Uber rating is just okay.

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