19 Struggles Of People Who Seem Distant But Are Secretly Very Affectionate

Parks and Recreation
Parks and Recreation

1. People assume that if you’re not being publicly affectionate with someone that you’re dating, it must mean you’re not really into them. Usually, that’s never the case. It just takes you a long time to warm up to people.

2. And whether you are crazy in love or not, you’re just not a fan of frequent public displays of affection either way. But that doesn’t mean you’re not affectionate and cuddly in the privacy of your own home.

3. When you’re in a relationship, you’re usually happy with a solid five minutes of cuddling before bed. Then, when you’re ready to fall asleep, you try to subtly move over to the other side of the bed so that you both have space.

4. And when you wake up in the morning, you’re usually as far on the other side of the bed as possible, practically hugging the wall. You’ve had to remind your significant other on more than one occasion that yes, you do love them, and yes, you are attracted to them. But when you’re asleep, you can’t help what you’re doing.

5. You’ve had an experience or two, usually fueled by alcohol, where you were surprisingly affectionate with your significant other and your friends were all in hysterics. Now, they love to bring it up constantly and when they do, you’re suddenly the hotdog girl from Mean Girls yelling “OH MY GOD THAT WAS ONE TIME!”

6. There may have also been a time or two where you were affectionate in front of your friends simply because you were smitten with your significant other, not even drunk. But you’ve proudly maintained a #sorrynotsorry attitude about those instances.

7. You’re fine when people want to show a little affection in public. Most of the time, you think it’s very sweet. You’re just not a fan of the people who like to slobber all over each other. We get it, guys, you’re dating. Good ‘fer you. 

8. Said “slobbering” usually happens frequently in malls and movie theaters, because they’re the favored hangout spots of lovesick teenagers. So whenever you’ve got to run some errands or you’re in the mood to see a new movie, you’re always preparing yourself to be surrounded by bunch of kids in braces trying to suck each other’s faces off.

9. You’re not much of a hugger. So usually, when you go to say good bye to people, you just throw up a wave or possibly a handshake. But then they go in for the hug. And the two of you are just an awkwardly synchronized dance of two people going “What?” “Huh?” “I’m a hugger!” “Oh, my bad!” *dies inside*

10. Family holiday parties are the worst. Sure, you love seeing your family. But that means a ten to twenty minute period of hugging and kissing, and hugging some more, when you arrive, and then a whole other round of it when you’re ready to leave. It’s just so much touching in so little time.

11. You love your friends. You love your family. But you don’t throw out I love you‘s very frequently. So when they’re saying good bye to you and they throw out an “I love you,” your response is usually along the lines of “Oh. Yeah, see you later. ASDKFJ;LASKDJFOIAWJa’ELFKASJDf.”

12. And when it comes to telling someone you’re dating that you love them, that’s a whole experience in and of itself. You try several different times, on several different occasions. Sometimes you literally just word vomit and start throwing out weird statements and sounds and noises. And eventually, it comes out the first time like a strangled balloon losing all of its helium.

13. But although you’re sometimes awkward when it comes to being affectionate, you care very much for the people in your life. So when someone you love is hurting, this whole other protective, loving, caring side of you comes out. And sometimes they’re a little thrown off when you hug them or play with their hair affectionately. But you’re not paying attention to their reaction and you don’t care, because all of your energy is focused on being loving. Because damn, it’s exhausting.

14. You can’t help but LOL when you see a couple squeezing into the same side of the booth at a restaurant. How is that comfortable? Don’t your elbows keep hitting each other? Which way do you look? Most importantly, how are you going to have enough room for all your food?

15. If you send someone a really sweet text message, they’re usually like, “Awwww, thank you!” And then five seconds later they’re like, “Wait, is this a joke?”

16. Awkward embraces are basically your thing.

17. You absolutely love watching people greet each other at the airport. It makes you smile and actually warms your heart. But if you’re the person being greeted at the airport, you feel like everyone’s watching you and oh my God there’s so many hugs and emotions are flying everywhere and you’re overwhelmed by ALL THE FEELS.

18. If your friend is upset about something small, you usually just pat their head and say “there, there” to make them laugh. But what you don’t tell them is that you’re only half-kidding about this gesture.

30 Rock
30 Rock

19. You care very much for all of the people in your life, and you’re very thankful for them. You do what you can to make them smile and keep them happy, and you love finding your own special ways of reminding them that you care. Just as long as it doesn’t involve poems or slideshows or gratuitous crying. You’re not about that life. TC mark

Kim Quindlen

I'm a staff writer for Thought Catalog. I like comedy and improv. I live in Chicago. My Uber rating is just okay.

Trace the scars life has left you. It will remind you that at one point, you fought for something. You believed.

“You are the only person who gets to decide if you are happy or not—do not put your happiness into the hands of other people. Do not make it contingent on their acceptance of you or their feelings for you. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter if someone dislikes you or if someone doesn’t want to be with you. All that matters is that you are happy with the person you are becoming. All that matters is that you like yourself, that you are proud of what you are putting out into the world. You are in charge of your joy, of your worth. You get to be your own validation. Please don’t ever forget that.” — Bianca Sparacino

Excerpted from The Strength In Our Scars by Bianca Sparacino.

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