17 Things Only Lazy Productive People Understand


1. You’ll have certain days where you get super inspired and decide to clean out your whole room. But then halfway through, you get tired and bored and decide you’ll save the rest for another day.

2. “Another day” doesn’t come for another 5-6 days, so you just spend that time trying to live around the mess that is all over your bedroom.

3. And then finally, miraculously, you’ll get so wrapped up in just getting shit done that you’ll finish this project with about 4 bins worth of crap to get rid of, a brand new organized and beautiful room, and tons of space. Which will last you for a delightful but short amount of time.

4. You’re one of the world’s worst (or best?) procrastinators. You put off doing anything mildly unpleasant until the last minute, and then you work your ass off for two days straight or a week straight or a month straight, and somehow you come out with something that you’re super proud of and excited about. And as soon as you finish this project, you crash and avoid any semblance of productivity for a long time. And then the cycle starts back up again, always.

5. Sometimes you’ll go months without reading a book, and then you’ll crush The Girl on the Train in two days.

6. You suck at checking your mail. And sometimes, “checking the mail” just means you grab it out of the mailbox and add it to the ever-growing pile of unopened bills and other boring things that adults receive in the mail. Then, one random Tuesday night, you knock it all out at once. Paying medical bills, throwing out junk mail, saving the Delta credit card advertisements and telling yourself that maybe one day, you’ll be the person that has a Delta credit card, etc.

7. In college, you used to stress your roommates out by waiting to start your papers until practically midnight. But you figured, hey, if it’s getting done either way, it doesn’t really matter when I start it. That way you could still hang out with everyone and get your socializing in for the night, before you had to sit down and remind yourself that you actually did have some responsibilities.

8. And even though you were lazy about starting your papers on time, you still usually came up with something you were proud of. You just happened to do it for 7 hours straight the night before it was due, instead of spreading it out to a couple hours a night like a normal person would have.

9. Sometimes you wish that you could list “I’m great at pulling stuff out of my ass at the last minute” as one of your skills on your resume or your LinkedIn profile.

10. You usually have to lie in job interviews about your work ethic. You know you can get shit done, but the manner in which you do it would probably scare off potential employers. So you lie and say that you’re super organized and on the ball. Then you get hired, goof around a bunch, and are simultaneously able to buckle down when necessary and knock something out when shit gets real. And your boss is none the wiser.

11. Occasionally you will get the idea in your head to make a complicated, multi-step home cooked meal. So you’ll do it and it’ll be delicious. Then the unbelievable mess that was left behind sits in your kitchen for three days before you’re finally brave enough to attack it all in one sitting.

12. Other times, you’re super gung-ho about cooking a fantastic meal while you’re in the grocery store, so you buy all the ingredients and get super pumped about it. But then you get home and you’re tired, so you order takeout, and the canned artichoke hearts sit in your cabinet for like two months before you finally decide that now’s the time to make that homemade artichoke pizza. It will take you long enough, but it will be damn delicious.

13.  At this point in your life, you’ve pulled too many all-nighters to even count. Some people call it laziness or a lack of organization. You prefer to think of it as I’m more creative and productive when it’s two in the morning and I’m trying to get everything done at once in an unbelievably short amount of time.

14. You like to think of your life as controlled chaos – you’re not the neatest person in the world, and you’re pretty chill about the state of your room and your apartment. But when things start to get out of hand, you make a trip to The Container Store and then boom – everything in your home is put into bins and labeled boxes and desk drawer organizers. For the time being, at least.

15. The current state of your personal fitness is: you’ll go weeks without exercising and then go on a running rampage for a month and then accidentally stop and then start going to CrossFit and then somehow stop doing that and then eventually get into yoga classes. Lather, rinse, repeat.

16. You could be comfortably sitting on the couch planning to relax and be lazy, but then a song unexpectedly comes on that just gets you in the zone. So without planning it, you’re back up, deciding to go for a run or Swiffer the entire kitchen or pack your lunch for the next day. Your bursts of energy and productivity are always unplanned, but when they happen, shit gets DONE.

17. Sometimes your life feels like those horrible informercials – where one minute you’re the ridiculous overactor in the gray scale footage, struggling to clean a toilet or wipe your own counter. And then with the flip of a switch, you are happy and bright and productive and successful. Basically, you’re a living, breathing ShamWow. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

I’m a staff writer for Thought Catalog. I like comedy and improv. I live in Chicago. My Uber rating is just okay.

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