In today’s dating world, while constantly being bombarded with pressure, conflicting pieces of advice, and arbitrary rules, it can seem impossible to even figure out what it is that you want. So here are 30 would-you-rather questions to help you get closer to understanding what kind of person you’re looking for. There’s no right or wrong answer to any of these questions, and for some of these situations, there are more than two options. But this is just a jumping off point to help you figure out things you absolutely want in a partner, and things you’re willing to bend on. These questions will not lead you to directly to the love of your life, but they can at least help you understand what it is that you’re looking for.
1. Would you rather date someone who’s highly ambitious about their career, or someone who cares more about passions outside of work?
2. Would you rather be with someone who wants to start a family in the very near future, or someone who’d like to wait a few years to really figure things out?
3. Given the choice, would you want to be in a relationship in which one of you eventually becomes the primary income source and the other is the primary caregiver, or would you rather be in a relationship where both of you work?
4. Would you rather be with a thrill-seeker, who likes to travel and skydive and try various dangerous things, or would you rather date someone who is more calm and serene?
5. Do you want to be with someone who’s confrontational and places the problem right on the table, or someone who approaches issues between you in a more careful, gentle way?
6. Would you rather date someone who’s interested in a very active social life, with parties and events and activities every other night, or someone who’s more of a homebody, and prefers to stay in with you or hang out in smaller, quieter groups?
7. Would you rather be with a night owl or an early bird?
8. Do you want to be with someone who prefers to watch comedies or dramas and thrillers?
9. Do you want someone who is deeply romantic – someone who is always open about their feelings and likes to be tender and affectionate? Or would you rather be with someone who is more mysterious, subtle, and slow to reveal their emotions, but still feels things all the same?
10. Is it more important for them to be able to make you laugh, or for you to feel like you can have an intellectual conversation with them?
11. Would you rather be with someone who has all the same interests as you – same favorite movies, same hobbies, same taste in music, etc? Or do you want to be with someone who’s the complete opposite of you so that you can introduce each other to new things?
12. Does religion matter? Would you rather end up with someone who practices the same religion that you do, or are you flexible in that area?
13. Would you rather be with someone who wants to move all over the place, live in various cities, and constantly be exploring? Or would you be happier with someone who’s interested in building a life in one single place for a long period of time?
14. Are you more interested in someone who likes to plan out date nights, from the happy hour to the restaurant to the after-dinner venue? Or do you want to be with someone who is more spur-of-the-moment?
15. Do you need to be with someone who’s completely independent and often in need of their own space, or someone who’s a little more co-dependent and likes to do things together, frequently?
16. A wine-and-beer kind of drinker, or someone who prefers cocktails? Does it matter to you?
17. Would you rather be with someone who’s really into playing sports and doing physical things, or someone who prefers activities that don’t involve hand-eye coordination?
18. Do you want a nature-lover who enjoys being outside as much as possible in big open spaces, or someone who’s more of a city person?
19. If you go on vacation together, would you rather be with someone who will lay on the beach with you all day, drinking margaritas and reading books, or someone who will be active with you, and is ready to go surfing or parasailing at the drop of a hat?
20. Are you more interested in the person who’s the life of the party, in the center of the circle making everyone laugh, or the person sitting calmly in the back, who strikes up a conversation with you and intrigues you from the start?
21. Do you want to be with someone who will indulge in your guilty pleasures, such as watching trashy reality shows and eating peanut butter out of the jar, or someone who is more of an upbeat go-getter?
22. Are you looking for a passionate, intense Noah-and-Allie from The Notebook situation, or something equally as strong but more silly and quirky, such as Leslie-and-Ben from Parks and Recreation?
23. If you’re in the mood to watch a movie, do you want someone who’s going to go out to a theater with you at eleven o’clock at night, your bags stuffed with candy from Walgreens, or would you prefer someone who will eat homemade popcorn with you while you watch a movie from the comfort of your own home?
24. Does it matter if they’re a cat person or a dog person or none of the above?
25. Do they have to be a neat-freak, or are you more comfortable with someone who’s laid-back when it comes to household duties and overall messiness?
26. Are you looking for someone who’s going to order take-out and and sit on the floor with you every night while you guys eat it in front of the tv, or someone who’s interested in preparing somewhat-healthy, homemade meals multiple times a week?
27. Do you want a book-lover or a movie-watcher?
28. Would you have more fun with someone you can argue and debate with, or someone whose opinions lie in a similar area to yours?
29. Would you rather be with someone who wants to have a big family, or someone who’d like to really think about it and maybe have one or two children?
30. Do you need to be with a cuddler and all-around consistent spooner, or someone who prefers to roll to the other side of the bed when you go to sleep so that you both have plenty of space?