How To Find The Person Who Will Give You Goosebumps

Flickr / Ryan Vaarsi
Flickr / Ryan Vaarsi

This is not about finding your soulmate. This is not about finding the one person in the entire world that you could ever, possibly be happy with. I don’t think that’s a thing. I think many of us do end up finding a soulmate, but I think there can be more than one out there for you.

Stop putting so much pressure on yourself. Do not make yourself feel as though there is one wonderful, flawless person out there who will be utterly perfect for you. Even when you do fall in love, it will be with someone who is flawed. Someone who comes with challenges and issues. You will fight. They will drive you nuts. You will disagree on things. They will infuriate you.

Your love story will not be like that in a Disney movie. Disney movie romances have an ending that gets tied up with a pretty bow. Yours does not. You will keep living after the happy ending. Because your life is real. It can be a scary thing to think about, the fact that the love stories you’ve been raised on are much simpler and more romantic than your own. But then again, there’s no real issues for those characters to deal with.

There’s no depth to their relationships. No challenges for them to move past. Nothing that forces them to be selfless and vulnerable and scared, thereby bringing them closer. They love each other, but they will never get the opportunity to love each other on the same level that you and your partner will love each other. You guys have to deal with some serious shit. You have to love each other through some really ugly moments. But that’s going to make your love deeper, stronger, and more meaningful than any pretty love story you’ve watched or read about.

Do not worry about having the perfect love story. It does not exist. The love stories that seem almost perfect to you are usually the ones that contained the most challenges and struggles and sacrifices. Those love stories seem almost perfect because the two people involved went through a lot of crap together. They suffered together. They challenged each other. They exposed themselves to one another, flaws and all. They fought through things together and made it out on the other side.

The relationships you see that seem the most perfect are almost always the ones in which the two people put everything out on the line. They didn’t hide anything. They didn’t try to perform for one another. They were just themselves – the good parts and, more importantly, the bad parts. They made each other feel accepted and loved in spite of, and because of, their weaknesses. They made each other feel something. They gave each other goosebumps.

The person who will give you goosebumps is not the one who’s going to make you feel out of this world. The person who will give you goosebumps is the one who will make you feel the most human. That’s what you are. You’re not a magnificent, flawless, perfect magical being. You’re a person, full of issues and struggles and weaknesses and fears and insecurities and problems and self-doubt. But that’s what makes you so capable of love, because it opens your heart and exposes you and makes you need another person. Humans need love to survive. Your person will recognize that in you, and you’ll recognize it in them. You will love each other for being human – for being imperfect and for needing love to survive. TC mark

Kim Quindlen

I'm a staff writer for Thought Catalog. I like comedy and improv. I live in Chicago. My Uber rating is just okay.

Trace the scars life has left you. It will remind you that at one point, you fought for something. You believed.

“You are the only person who gets to decide if you are happy or not—do not put your happiness into the hands of other people. Do not make it contingent on their acceptance of you or their feelings for you. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter if someone dislikes you or if someone doesn’t want to be with you. All that matters is that you are happy with the person you are becoming. All that matters is that you like yourself, that you are proud of what you are putting out into the world. You are in charge of your joy, of your worth. You get to be your own validation. Please don’t ever forget that.” — Bianca Sparacino

Excerpted from The Strength In Our Scars by Bianca Sparacino.

Read Here

More From Thought Catalog

  • https://thoughtcatalog.com/kim-quindlen/2015/01/10-easy-rules-to-live-by-that-will-lead-you-to-a-happier-life/ 10 Easy Rules To Live By That Will Lead You To A Happier Life | Thought Catalog

    […] this: 40 Things You Can Do This Winter Instead Of Going Outside Read this: How To Find The Person Who Will Give You Goosebumps Read this: The Most Important Thing You Need To Remember When Your Anxiety Sets In Cataloged […]

  • http://nigeriatechnology.com/10-easy-rules-to-live-by-that-will-lead-you-to-a-happier-life-2/ 10 Easy Rules To Live By That Will Lead You To A Happier Life - NEWS | Phones | Nigeria Science | Technology |Computers

    […] this: 40 Things You Can Do This Winter Instead Of Going Outside Read this: How To Find The Person Who Will Give You Goosebumps Read this: The Most Important Thing You Need To Remember When Your Anxiety Sets […]

  • https://thoughtcatalog.com/kim-quindlen/2015/01/what-its-like-when-someone-you-love-is-in-pain/ What It’s Like When Someone You Love Is In Pain | Thought Catalog

    […] this: 10 Easy Rules To Live By That Will Lead You To A Happier Life Read this: How To Find The Person Who Will Give You Goosebumps Read this: Why “Finding Yourself” Should Never Be An End Goal Cataloged […]

blog comments powered by Disqus