19 Things You Say At Brunch And What You Actually Mean

19 Things You Say At Brunch And What You Actually Mean

1. How long is the wait?: If I have to stand up for more than ten minutes I will fall over.

2. I’m starving: I haven’t eaten since the late-night pizza we ordered seven hours ago.

3. I feel pretty good right now actually: I’m in that frightening phase where you’re still a little drunk, but on the verge of starting your hangover.

4. I’m just a hot mess: My life is in shambles, but in a way that I find socially acceptable and brag-worthy.

5. Does this come with any sides?: I need bacon inside of me. Now.

6. What are you guys doing later?: Is there anyone who will be hungry enough to eat with me an hour after we’re finished with brunch?

7. Last night was everything: I’m too hungover to discuss all the amazing parts of last night in vivid detail, so I will just stick with “everything.”

8. Does anyone want to do the Bottomless Mimosas special?: If we’re not doing Bottomless Mimosas, I don’t know why I’m here.

9. Actually, I’m just going to stick with a Bloody Mary today: The amount of drinking I did last night was abhorrent, so in order to cure/punish myself, I’m going to drink a bunch of tomato juice and a splash of vodka.

10. What was last night though?: Someone please laugh with me so that I feel less pressured to start behaving like an adult.

11. Has anyone seen our sever?: If our food doesn’t come soon, I’m going to smack someone. I NEED to know where it is.

12. I need to go home at some point and get my shit together: When I get home I’m going to watch Netflix for six hours in a row.

13.I need to sign up for a gym membership: I’ll never sign up for a gym membership, but sometimes when I’m really full I tell myself that I will.

14. Are you going to finish that?: Give me your hash browns or I will cut you.

15. Matt and Jessica were cute last night: Matt and Jessica were slobbering all over each other and it was disgusting and I hate them but it’s too early in the morning to be blatantly throwing shade.

16. I literally died last night: I am very much alive, but the only way to describe my behavior at the bar last night is to imply that I died.

17. I’m starting to feel kinda crappy: The hangover of doom is upon me and I’m seriously debating whether or not I’m going to go vom in the restroom.’

18. I can’t: I’ve lost all faith in myself and in humanity. I actually, literally cannot.

19. I’m never drinking again: What bar are we going to tonight? Thought Catalog Logo Mark

About the author

I'm a staff writer for Thought Catalog. I like comedy and improv. I live in Chicago. My Uber rating is just okay.

Follow Kim on Instagram or read more articles from Kim on Thought Catalog. Learn more about Thought Catalog and our writers on our about page.