At this very moment I feel so lost and perplexed. I always look up to the meaning of love and I used to think that when you find someone, you are one of the luckiest to have found a person who fits with your soul. I always thought that love makes you feel like there’s no tomorrow; feeling your heart pounding hard the moment he said the ‘I love you’s and not just the first time but every time. I always thought of love as something so magical yet so real.
As I watch the water drip from the side of the glass, flashbacks came through and in that millisecond all the memories came rushing back. And now, it’s not just the water from the glass that’s falling but also the tears that brought the sadness from the shattered heart. I miss him, despite knowing that he treated me less the way I deserve. I love him, despite the fact that he’s moved on.
I won’t forget his perfect smile, his crooked teeth, his eyes that tell so much more behind that pretentious curtain. I won’t forget how different he is when I’m the only person left with him. I won’t forget how he held me and comforted me during my rainy days. And I won’t forget how warm his presence was when all things seemed to be so unfamiliar. He was my oasis, my save point, my home.
But please tell me how in just a flick of an eye, all of your feelings can change. How can something so real, so precious, be gone and forgotten? Up until now, I just can’t comprehend how a person can do that. How can you forget all the memories and all the feelings that came with it. How can you do that? Because I can’t.
I can still remember how I begged you to come back, how I wished everything were just a dream. I remember how low my life was when you were gone. The pain was insurmountable and I never saw it coming. The pain that made me feel so alone and hopeless. I never thought that it would come to a point where my only concern is how to survive each day without you. And believe me, I’m barely surviving.
But I also remember how easily you felt the same feelings for another girl. It was like being broken for the second time and all the wounds were fresh once again. Still, I’m confused how can it be so easy for you to hurt me, your best friend. After all those times we spent together, after all those “love” you felt for me, how. Just tell me how can you move on so fast?
I don’t take love lightly. I don’t play with it. I am not the selfish type. I kept on thinking how can you disrespect love that easily? I will never truly understand the people who loves and chooses to leave for shallow reasons. How can the person that used to mean the world to you, just be someone nothing more than a stranger?
Some of you may think that because of this experience, my thoughts about love has changed. But no, definitely not.
He hurt me, and love did not.
It was him that tried to taint the image of love, and not love itself. Love remains true and right. But I made the mistake in choosing the person to share it with. I still look up to love, I still have expectations from it. But not so much from the people who doesn’t see the true weight of love.