I Wish I Could Love You The Way You Deserve


I’m sorry. Sorry I can’t love you like you love me. Sorry you even love me in the first place.

I’m sorry I can’t be her. The girl you believe I am, the girl who carries your love in return. The girl whose idea you fell in love with.

I’m sorry you unquestionably love me.

You’ve always been there for me. Catching me before I even think about falling. Supporting me throughout it all. Lifting me back upon my own two feet, reminding me how to stand strong. Step by step, helping me, one foot in front of the other.

You’ve been there when I’ve needed you the most. Loving me unreservedly. Loving me unconditionally.

Undeservingly loving me.

I wish I could adore you, as you deserve. Care for you, as you desire. Love you, in the way you’ve been searching for.

If I could, I would make you mine. Never letting you go. Holding on to you tightly.
But for some reason, I can’t seem to love you like you need me to. Love you like you want me to. Unknowingly, I can’t seem to return the feelings you have given to me.

I’m sorry I can’t love you, even with your solid efforts to convince me differently. Convince me to see you for everything you are. Convince me, you are the one for me.

Even with all of that, I haven’t found the courage to return your love. Return everything you have ever given to me. Everything you have done for me. Everything you have taught me about love and myself.

I wish I could love you, as you demand. If I could understand how to fall in love with you, I would in an instant.

I would give you the earth-shattering love you have been longing for. Ground- shaking love you are worthy of.

I’m sorry I can’t be the girl you fell in love with. For I’m not sure she exists anymore. You have fallen in love with the image of the girl I use to be, and for that, I’m sorry.

I will never be that girl again. Even though, most days I wish I could. I miss her, and I’m sure you feel the same.

But that girl has been destroyed. And even with her brokenness, you still loved her. You still do love her. You still love me.

So many nights, I lay awake wondering why I cannot navigate how to care for you. Pondering why on earth I’ve decided to write you off. Always choosing others over you. Always putting you last.

Wondering why you have chosen to stick around. Why you hold on to me, when I’ve given you no reason to stay. Why you put up with loving me.

I do not deserve your love, and I’m sorry about it.

Similarly, I know I don’t tell you this enough, but thank you.

Thank you for always being there for me. Being there when it seemed like no one else ever was. Being there when I needed someone the most. Being there when I need you the most. Loving me for everything I am on the inside, and not just what you see on the outside.

Thank you for loving me even with my flaws. Loving me even with my brokenness. Loving me even when I don’t feel very lovable. Thank you for being the man I’ve always wanted in my life. The type of man I’ve always needed in my life.

Thank you for proving to me there are still good men left in the world. You’ve restored the faith I’ve been struggling to find.

I’m sorry, for not thanking you enough. Not appreciating you as frequently as I should.

I’m sorry for it all.

Oh, I’m so sorry for it all.

For if I could, I would love you like you love me.

And with that, I’m sorry I’ve never been able to. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

Graduate of University of Oregon. Professional wandered and avid coffee drinker.

Keep up with Kiana on Instagram and kianaaziz.wordpress.com

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