So you’re a hopeless romantic. You put your faith in love. You believe in the idea of a soulmate and spending your life with someone who you care deeply for, and who cares deeply for you. You believe that the love you share with people is something written in the stars.
But what happens when you become unsure of yourself?
If you’re a lover, you know that when you start to get close to someone, you can feel it–you recognize that feeling of fear that comes out of nowhere. It grows inside of you and, at the same time, rots like a trauma. It’s an old memory, deep-rooted, and for whatever reason, you push the people away. You keep them at a distance, even if you believe you could love them–even if you do love them.
Even the lovers are skeptical sometimes. Even the lovers sit on the floor of the bathroom, crying and whimpering, there’s nothing beautiful about self-sabotage.
The fact of the matter is, even lovers are afraid of love sometimes. Even hopeless romantics are afraid of letting themselves get too close to someone, no matter how bad they want to.
I can’t help but wonder if we keep certain people at a distance because we know, deep in our souls, that they aren’t the one for us. Or maybe we keep people at a distance because we know it’ll hurt a lot less when they leave.
Maybe it’s the universe’s doing–her subtle way of reminding us that the things we want might not be the things we need. Maybe it’s just one of life’s cruel ironies and we just have to live with it.