That was the title of the article.
I saw it on Facebook and instantly clicked it because…I was sitting in my room, watching re-runs of Seinfeld, eating a bowl of the kind of cereal that makes you poop, wearing my tangerine high-waisted shorts, and suddenly…regretting all of my decisions.
And as it turns out, guys HATE high-waisted shorts.
They think they are awkward and unflattering and should be burned at the stake.
(Along with your rompers, which according to the article, look like pillowcases and your maxi-dresses, which apparently make men wonder what you are trying to hide. “That’s why her dress is so long. It’s full of secrets.”)
I slurped down the rest of my sad, broke college student dinner and slumped down in my bed.
And then it hit me…who cares what guys REALLY think?
They’re shorts…
No one ever asked me what I thought about their two sizes too small baby gap t-shirts paired with the oh-so-classy two sizes too big basketball shorts. (Are you trying to make sure you’re ready to ball or be bottle-fed?)
When was the last time you saw something shared on Facebook entitled, “What Guys Really Think of Your Views on Foreign Policy?”
Feel free to be okay with wiping out an entire civilization, but heaven forbid your shorts go above your belly button.
We need to stop clicking articles like this just as much as we need to stop writing articles like this because it’s bullshit.
But the thing is, there was this moment, when I clicked that article that I thought, “Maybe I shouldn’t wear these anymore.”
And that’s RIDICULOUS! (Because let’s be honest, they look fabulous on me, but I digress.)
We, as girls, need to stop worrying so much if boys are going to like us.
Pick up any magazine and the cover will show a scantily clad woman with headlines like:
“Things Your Guy Isn’t Telling You About Your Outfit.”
“101 Ways to Please Your Man (in the bedroom, in the kitchen, in the office, in the living room, in the garage, at the hardware store, in line at Starbucks…if you’re not always trying to please your man, what are you even doing with your life?)”
“It’s Been 20 Minutes and He Hasn’t Texted Me Back…What Did I Do Wrong?”
“How To Find The Perfect Guy in your Workplace (You’ll Be Making More Than Copies Tonight)”
I’m not saying that being an attentive and supportive life partner is a bad thing because obviously it’s not. Same goes with wanting to be physically attractive and to be perceived as such, whether you’ve been seeing each other for 20 minutes or 20 years.
But if your entire world is about whether or not he likes your shorts, then something is wrong. (Especially when it’s not even your significant other, but just the opposite sex, in general.)
And I don’t even really think it’s our fault to have these thoughts because we’ve been conditioned to think this way.
Recently, I cut my hair, but before I went to the beauty salon, I took to the Internet to help me find some inspiration and I was surprised (but I guess I shouldn’t have been) to find the majority of results that came back on short hair, were girls in forums asking whether or not guys even liked short hair.
Cheese and rice, people.
This doesn’t just need to stop being okay; it needs to stop altogether.
Stop perpetuating this notion of girls having to be approved by guys in order for us to move on with our lives.
- Is this job okay?
- Is this outfit okay?
- Is my hair okay?
- Am I allowed to walk out the front door now?
Even women in power aren’t excluded from this insanity.
You see female politicians in the news and the commentary usually goes something like this:
- “She looks haggard.”
- “Did she get cosmetic work done?”
- “Didn’t she wear that suit already? Yikes!”
However, my charge isn’t to men, but rather to women.
- Wear your shorts.
- Cut your hair.
- Take over the world.
- DO WHATEVER YOU WANT, but for Knope’s sake, do it with some dignity.
Do it because you believe in yourself. Stop questioning every step you take in order to make sure that the cute boys at school are going to like it on Instagram.
If we stop questioning, then maybe they’ll stop answering (and giving us asinine articles and insulting magazine covers).
It shouldn’t take some random person in the pages of a magazine or on the other side of your computer screen to tell you that you’re beautiful and worthwhile.
Because I don’t know you, but you know you.
You know the things that make you look and feel awesome.
You don’t need me or Cosmopolitan or some random survey of frat guys to tell you.
So button up those high-waisted shorts and start believing in yourself, dammit. 
