Dating as a 20-something seems to be more difficult than the Avengers obtaining all the infinity stones. Which seems crazy because we’re more self-aware than ever, more educated, and more successful overall. Not to mention we have pretty much unlimited access to each other through the power of social media. So what exactly seems to be the problem??
Well, the answer is the talking stage. The talking stage is the initial part of dating where the two interested individuals get to know each other before they decide to explore the relationship further. The talking stage can last anywhere for a week to several months.
Now, I used to think that the talking stage was a necessary step because you should get to know someone before you date them. But the more I thought about it, the more I thought how stupid this whole thing has become.
When I talk to my mom about relationships and bring up “talking” she always looks at me with so much confusion. She’s like “talking, what’s that?” Because that’s how silly it sounds. Technically we “talk” to everyone. Seriously, who made this term up?!
Back in the day dating was pretty simple. A guy sees a girl he finds attractive and he approaches her. He introduces himself, they talk for a bit and if things go well he asks for her number. After a day or two, he calls her and they schedule to meet for a date. Then they actually go on the date and if it’s good, they go on another, and maybe a couple more and then BOOM. He asks her to be his girlfriend and if she says yes then they’re in a relationship. This whole process can also go vice versa because I’m all for women taking the lead too. But the idea is that the whole process was pretty simple.
Because that’s what dating should be. SIMPLE AND FUN.
On your dates, you can get to know each other. See if you connect beyond physical attraction and ask real questions. And these dates don’t have to always be at lavish five-star restaurants. It can be as simple as eating ice cream in the park. The point of a date is spending time with a person you like.
I don’t think we’ll ever know the struggle of getting a person’s number without having a cell phone. Like, imagine how heartbreaking must’ve been for someone to build the courage to ask someone “out out”, get their number, but wrote one single-digit incorrectly. Or what if they lost it on the way home?? They’ll probably won’t ever see each other again. There was no way they could’ve recorded the number. They also didn’t have social media to go find the person to ask again.
Nowadays we have more access to each other than ever before. We have Instagram, Twitter, and Tinder. We can have a date within seconds without even leaving the house. So what’s the point of just spending time with just one person? If it doesn’t work out then we can just slide into the DM’s of someone else. Because this generation (myself included) is severely allergic to hard work. And real long-lasting relationships require work.
You can get to know someone while you’re dating them. It doesn’t take long for you to realize if you want to pursue a deeper relationship or not. This talking stage foolishness is a way to get all the benefits of a relationship without real work. There should be no reason you’ve been “talking” to someone for months with no real progress.
And the crazy thing is, if you ask the people who constantly prolong the talking stage, they have no valid excuse as to why they’re doing it. “I need to really see if I want to be with them.” Is usually the response. WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN??? It almost feels like some people want a free trial of a relationship before they decide they want a monthly subscription. Dating is not a Netflix subscription!
The most interesting people who are guilty of this are the ones who have no problem sleeping with the person before making it official, but still needs time to “get to know them better”. Any person who likes to play games with you is not serious about you. If they can’t take you on a simple date, leave them alone. The talking stage is just the gateway to a situationship and nobody has time for that.
Call me old fashioned but I am a firm believer in titles. Titles create a mutual understanding for both parties of what the relationship is. Even during the initial dating stages, there should be some kind of common ground of both of your expectations for the relationship. When there is a lack of clarity, that’s when drama and confusion come in. And drama and confusion is all the talking stages seems to consists of.
At the end of the day, the talking stage is just that, talking. You’re getting all your feelings involved in something that is never going to go anywhere. Stop wasting your time entertaining this ridiculousness!!!
Can we please just bring back going out on dates? This whole talking stage honestly just makes things way more complicated than it needs to be. I think if a person is really interested in pursuing a relationship with you, then they should have no problem in going on a date with you. If they’re not and just wants to waste time “talking” for months, then they’re not worth your time.
And for any person who is guilty of prolonging the talking stage that is reading this, I have a simple request. If you have no intention of being with someone then please tell them!!! Stop giving them the “you just want to take things slow” BS cause we’re ain’t buying it!! If you’re not ready to be in a relationship then don’t entertain one, PERIOD.