Meeting someone new is always an exciting experience. It can even be more exciting if there’s a chance that you and this person can develop a romantic relationship. When you begin to date someone it is so easy to get wrapped up in their charm and think of all the possibilities of the relationship.
You begin to think about possible dates you can go on, having them meet your friends and family or even potential captions you can put under your boo’d up pics on IG. (#goals #MCE #hisrib). (Don’t act like you haven’t done it we’re all guilty lol)
The endless possibilities have you so excited that you are living in a fantasy world. And the problem with fantasy is that it keeps you from being grounded in reality.
In one of my therapy sessions, I was going through a relationship dilemma. A guy I was “talking” to for a couple of months started to switch up on me. I felt conflicted. Was this relationship worth it? After venting to my therapist about what happened she encouraged me to do a writing exercise.
In this exercise, I had to make a T-chart. On one side I put all the positives about the guy/relationship. On the other side, I put all the negatives about the guy/relationship. I remember finding it so easy to write the negatives and struggling to write the positives.
Now it may be because I was angry at the time why I couldn’t think of much positives, but even months later I still can’t think about what I liked so much about him.
And then it hit me. I really didn’t like this guy as much as I thought. Even though we’d been talking for months, there was very little I knew about him and what I did know wasn’t that impressive. We also had very little in common and never had an engaging conversation. I was just so happy to get attention and have the possibility of a relationship that I did not notice the red flags.
And that’s the problem when we just see like someone based off of potential. We get so focused on what the person or relationship could be that we neglect what it is. More times than not, the person isn’t a great as we think nor is the relationship all butterflies and rainbows.
While I was watching the Netflix series, BoJack Horseman, a character said something regarding relationships that really resonates with this topic. She said: “you know it’s funny when you look at someone through rose-colored glasses, all the red flags just look like flags.”
When we first date someone it’s okay to be excited and fantasize about possibilities. But it’s important to truly get to know someone and not jump into something without getting the whole picture.
Don’t like someone for what they could be and see them for who they are. Notice their flaws and shortcomings and ask yourself is this something I can deal with on a day to day basis? If not then don’t pursue it any further. You’re only setting yourself up to be disappointed in the future.
Time is a great indication of revealing people for who they truly are. And those who stand the test of time are the ones who are worth it in the end.