Why Do We Settle For People Who Have No Intention Of Committing To Us?

Lauren Rushing
Lauren Rushing

Often avoided or misunderstood, treading around the topic of commitment in either a new or old relationship can unfortunately becoming a sinking ship. Now, is it because it solidifies a relationship with a person you really care about or is the slightly terrifying meaning of the word itself, implying that it is actually wrong to sleep with someone if you are dating someone else? The underlying truth behind it I believe is simply this: people want other people, but people don’t want to be committed to those people.

It’s no shocker that relationships and dating are pretty much in the top five things that most women think about on a daily basis. With the increase of social media and dating apps taking over the relationship world, it really comes as no surprise that more and more women are meeting complete jackasses rather than their knight in shining armor. And so because of this, it has become a lot easier for casual hookups and “relationships” that ultimately do not go anywhere.

And I assume this is where it gets confusing with friends with benefits type relationships or relationships in general. Either you’re dating or you’re not dating and if you’re not dating than you’re casually hooking up but if you’re casually hooking up, are you allowed to develop feelings for that person? And if you do develop feelings, are they essentially meaningless because you’re simply just ‘hooking up’?

So time and time again, we involve ourselves with others and conjure up the courage to step out of our little comfort bubble in order to be faced with the fact that maybe you’re just not worthy of commitment or any romantic relationship. Now, obviously this is a completely senseless and inane remark because everyone is worthy of love and trust, however we are absolutely undeserving of being emotionally and vulnerably manipulated by a man who believes you are simply around for ‘fun.’

So if this is the case, why do we (coming from a female’s point of view) think it is okay to spend our time on a person who has already made it quite clear that ‘committing to you’ is not in their future?

Do we forbid ourselves from ever wearing our hearts on our sleeves in order to never have our feelings crushed or do we just stop wasting our time and emotions on people in general? Now, not all guys fall under this category and I for one know many guys who completely reject this whole notion of hating commitment. However, the ratio between the two is a lot greater with guys who just have a girl acting like a girl friend without ever officially committing to them. These are the guys that constantly use you and probably ultimately get to sleep with you. They get all of YOU, without that little friend we call commitment. So if this is the case, and guys really have some underlying flaming hate for it, than why are girls constantly led on to believe that a guy maybe really wants to be with them?

Now, I understand that some guys just have a really hard time with expressing their feelings and would probably feel most comfortable expressing them to a wall rather than someone who makes them feel all woozy inside. Admit it guys, we know you feel those butterflies too.

But if that’s the case, a guy will continue to show you how much he cares in order to let you know that he still really digs you. And in regards to the guys who don’t do this, then are they really worthy of your time?

Guys will, time and time, again promise you they are totally not who you think they are, but unfortunately for them, we definitely know when to call bullshit. So stop investing your time into people who ‘are afraid of a title’ or have some other shit excuse as to why they expect to get with you without being with you. If you know what you want and you know what you need, then go out and get it, whether it is a serious relationship or a fling. Your time is valuable, so spend it with someone who doesn’t just make you an option for himself.

Because 9 times out of 10, a guy does not care about how you deal with your feelings nor does he want to address them with someone he probably doesn’t think twice about when you’re not around.

Maybe when you’re on the hunt for a person to invest your time into, make sure they don’t show you that they are a complete asshole from the get-go. This may potentially save you from eventually having to call that guy the other ‘c-word,’ and you know which one I’m talking about. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

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