Men Who Own Cats Are Better Lovers

Please. Stop it. I can hear the “pussy” jokes already.

Men who own a cat — and I don’t mean the male equivalent to the crazy cat lady, that is a whole different animal — but simply one (maybe two)- cat man, are better lovers.

The gays already know. Of course.

But I don’t think that a large percentage of heterosexual men, or women know this.

Traditionally, cats have gotten a bad rap amongst men. Machismo at its finest. I’m not going to go into a defensive tangent on the stereotypes of male cat owners, or try to defend cats against ignorant minds. Instead, I am simply going to shed a little light on something that may be of interest to everybody.

Sex.

I know, I know. “Dog is a man’s best friend,” you say. “Dogs are for everyone’s enjoyment. Cats are only for their owners.”

Translation, “Men who own dogs are interested in everyone’s enjoyment. Men who own cats are more interested in their lovers’ enjoyment.” We are talking about dating and sex here. There are a million different ways one can spin this on any subject, but stay on topic.

The rules of society have told us that it is weird for a single guy to own a cat. If a guy chooses to not give a shit about what his fantasy league “bros” or bourbon-swilling co-workers think, you already know you have something good on your hands. A guy who doesn’t subscribe to how the world tells him he needs to live to be a “man” is going to live by the same values in the bedroom. Everybody remembers how Tony Soprano refused to perform cunnilingus, right? But, we’ll get there in a minute.

Men who own a cat tend to be better at understanding women. And women LOVE to be understood. ( And men should love understanding women — “He like, totally gets me. I would totally do A to M with him.”) Plus, wait for it… men with cats appreciate intelligence.

Cat men are better at understanding women because many of the ways that a typical cat wants attention correlates to the same way many typical women do. Ignore me and I want attention. Give me too much attention and I’m over it. I’m hungry. Hungryyyyy. I want dinner. Now. Now. Now. Thank you. Wait? That’s dinner? No, I don’t want it anymore. It’s ok. Two bites and I’m full. Unless you have some nice fresh fish, or filet. You don’t? Sigh. It’s fine. Let’s go out. …..I don’t want to be out anymore…… Cuddle me. Get away from me.

You get the general idea. These purring men understand balance. The slender bridge one must walk when respecting independence in combination with making one feel taken care of and protected. All of which is important to cats, and women. And these guys get it.

But I digress. Let’s get to the fisting. I’m kidding, I’m kidding. But, let’s get to the oral.

This entire rumination is based largely and loosely on pre conceived ideas of what women want — and there are always exceptions, but generally women love oral sex. As in receiving. Don’t worry men, we love giving it you, especially when our eye makeup starts running down our faces, salivia down our necks, and we can’t breathe. That’s, so, fun. But to receive, for many, it is the only way to get started, revved up, or to finish. Cat owning men know this like no other. They are patient, “Here kitty kitty. Come on, come here kitty. Come on. Come on.” They are good at communication, “Ohhh, you like that? Yes, you do. Yes, you do. Oh, not there? How about here? There you go. Good kitty.” These men don’t mind their faces being sat on or backs clawed at.

The very notion of a “lover,” is either someone you are having sex with, somebody you care very deeply for, or both. Hopefully in either case, you are getting some good loving.

And treats for being pretty.