6 Ways Men Destroy A Marriage (And When Women Need to Leave)

Anyone can destroy a marriage or relationship, whether you’re a man or woman. However, it seems that married women are increasingly becoming frustrated with the way their husbands have treated them and are initiating divorce more often. Here are six circumstances when women feel their marriages have been destroyed and when they feel ready to leave. 

Weaponized Incompetence. One of the top complaints about men in marriage from women remains the unequal division of labor in the home, which studies indicate tends to burden women with more of the household and domestic responsibilities and childrearing responsibilities, even if women are the ones who are making significant financial contributions to the household. In fact, research shows us that women are earning more yet are still expected to take up most of the domestic labor in addition to their career responsibilities. Weaponized incompetence is the act of pretending you are unable to perform a task, so you won’t be asked to do it. For example, spouses who pretend they don’t know how to “handle the baby” or pick up groceries so they can engage in leisurely activities and leave all childrearing or shopping responsibilities to the mother are exercising weaponized incompetence. Women are sharing that they are dissatisfied with this tactic, as it feels like having to take care of an additional child in the home even though their husband is a grown adult.  

Abandoning their partners in times of crisis or need.  Research indicates that men are more likely than women to abandon their partners when they are critically ill or facing life-threatening conditions. This phenomenon is so pervasive that some medical professionals report warning women of this risk of being abandoned when they are diagnosed. Women, on the other hand, are more likely to be by their partner’s side and tend to be compelled to care for their partners in times of illness, possibly also due to the way they are socialized to be caretakers. 

Emotionally or even physically cheating.  Cheating isn’t just physical, it can be emotional too. Whether it’s flirting excessively at work, having “close” and shady friendships with the opposite sex, sliding into the direct messages of women on social media, or following lewd accounts, men can cheat even when they’re not physically engaging in an affair. Such transgressions and violations may not be as explicit as a full-fledged affair, but they are deeply harmful and disrespectful.  In addition, women have reported being cheated on whether it’s after bearing multiple children, building up their husband’s businesses, or going overboard to maintain a perfect physique. It seems there is nothing to be done to prevent a man’s disloyalty: if they want to cheat, they will, regardless of how much their wives do for them.

Lack of appreciation and devaluation.  The best husbands are the ones who shower their wives with appreciation, kindness, and loving words of affirmation every day of the marriage, keeping the spark alive. Unfortunately, for many women in marriages today, such verbal reassurance and emotional attentiveness are lacking, and women feel like they are begging for the bare minimum, which may be why so more women than men tend to initiate and be the ones to file for divorce. 

Going 50/50 in a world that isn’t equal. Piggybacking off the point about weaponized incompetence, women aren’t truly “equal” yet in a world that diminishes them and subjects them to double standards and a disproportionately larger risk of harm, discrimination, and violence. Yet despite not being a traditional “provider” man, many husbands are still demanding that women be both “traditional” and “modern,” by going 50/50 financially and doing all the housework and childcare. If we look at this carefully, it looks like some men expect women, the oppressed sex, to do even more labor for them despite the fact that men have more access and privilege to opportunities and resources on average! 

Not supporting their partner’s success. As women move up the corporate ladder in a patriarchal society and fight against structural inequalities, they are reporting backlash from the men they date. Paradoxically, even though their husbands and boyfriends might still expect to leech off their resources, they tend to be envious and threatened by successful women, according to a wealth of research. It appears the pool of high-quality men who support a woman’s success while still being fair to the inequalities she faces in society is quite rare these days, and there’s a reason why movies like Fair Play that comment on this double standard are so popular – they represent women’s lived experiences quite accurately. If you’re thinking of getting married, make sure to listen to the stories of women who’ve experienced the struggles, who understand the risks, and ask yourself whether the costs of being married outweigh the benefits when choosing your spouse.