There are three main reasons you are single if you’re a woman, and they’re not what you think. 

You’re out of the league of many people in the current dating pool. 

Are we still gaslighting women into believing that there’s something wrong with them if they haven’t found their match, given how many amazing women have already opted out of dating altogether because of the quality of the current dating pool? Let’s take it a step further. Consider the most famous celebrities you know who are single — specifically women. Looks? Drop dead gorgeous. Net worth? Multimillionaire status. Talents? Top tier and otherworldly. Personality? Well, depending on the celebrity we are talking about, usually captivating enough to charm an entire worldwide audience. It’s clear being single as a woman isn’t an indication of what you bring to the table, but rather what is being offered at the table. Think also about stars who’ve been mistreated by the men they’ve dated. It includes the likes of Britney Spears (even at the height of her stardom and youth, she claimed she was cheated on by Justin Timberlake, according to her memoir), Shakira, Gwen Stefani, Sandra Bullock (Jesse James was allegedly cheating on her during the time she was thanking him in her speech after winning an Oscar, and James later admitted he cheated in part due to his ego, possibly feeling threatened by her), Beyonce (who was cheated on multiple times by her husband Jay Z), Halle Berry, Jennifer Lopez, Scarlett Johannson (allegedly), and many more. Many of the most beautiful and successful women in the world are either single by choice or have often been mistreated by men of lower status than them who sought to “humble” them. Do you really think the average man who grows up in a misogynistic society doesn’t feel threatened by a woman who outearns him or surpasses his success and has a certain level of beauty and personality that grabs more positive attention than he does? A wealth of research indicates otherwise. Have you ever considered that you’re single not because there’s anything wrong with you, but because of everything that is right with you? While you may not be a celebrity, the same principle still applies. The more positive qualities and assets you have, the more selective you often have to be in your choice of partner because your dating pool of eligible bachelors who are actually compatible with you and worthy of you significantly shrinks.  

If you’re an attractive, empathic, intelligent, personable, and successful woman who possesses many positive qualities, you might think that’s an asset to the dating world and people often ask you curiously why you’re single. Let’s be real: it’s very easy for the average man to find an amazing or at least decent woman with empathy in the dating world – yet we see that thousands of women who are leaving the dating world and opting out of romance and marriage altogether en masse due to the quality of men they are running into. Powerful women are shortchanged and cheated on every day by men they surpass in many aspects. Singlehood offers an escape from being betrayed or violated by someone you had to settle for or wasn’t even compatible with in the first place: instead of constantly settling down with users and cheaters in the dating pool who are threatened by your mere existence like many women in the world including the most powerful women still are and men who seek to “humble” you out of envy once they have you, you’re not so easily impressed. You get to make your own rules and only settle for a partner who is truly worthy of you, without trying to shrink yourself or who you are.

You’re discerning and intelligent. 

Unlike the average person who is ready to risk their entire life-course trajectory just to engage in a relationship, you’re actually smart enough to understand the costs of a relationship with a man and are familiar with the red flags of toxic behavior. You are well read on the research that shows that married women fare worse than married men on average especially when it comes to mental health and being more psychologically distressed, and the studies on how single, childfree women can be just as happy, healthy, and wealthy – in some cases, even moreso, than their married counterparts. You’ve heard the thousands of stories from currently married women who say they would never get married again — and you actually listen closely! You know that in entering marriage, most women tend to take up more of the burdens of domestic labor, parenting and childrearing, and emotional labor, and sometimes even financial labor. Unless they are with a man with a natural and genuine provider mentality, the costs of marriage for women are rarely outweighed by the benefits. You know that childrearing with the wrong man would not just rob you of your own life, it would harm the way your child grows up and his or her beliefs about relationships. Some women enter marriage with a sign of relief that they’re finally married, even if it’s to a subpar man who barely meets their needs or fulfills their true desires, just so they can say to the world, “I am married.” Smart women breathe a sigh of relief they’re not with the wrong man and they’re not tied down forever to someone who undervalues them. Remember: genuinely happy couples don’t constantly talk about their marital status or use it to “look down” on single people, especially on single women who are thriving in their lives. 

You’re selective and won’t settle for just anyone just to settle down.

You’re single because you know your worth. You’ve deprogrammed society’s centering of men and prioritized your needs, your desires, your goals, your authentic self, your peace, your joy, and you have no plans on sacrificing those just to please a partner who doesn’t please you. You may have already had plenty of experience to understand what you truly want from a partner. Others may call you picky and choosy, but they’re not the ones who have to live with your choices or the consequences of your decisions. You are, so pick wisely. You know that the energy you spend on building up a bare minimum man would be better off spent pursuing your goals, skyrocketing in your career, building your friendships, and actually finding healthy love you are worthy of. You know that your true love and soulmate isn’t going to be a man who needs to be chased down or pleaded with. You’re not waiting for the one — you’re living your life and you’re killing it. If “the one” so happens to come around, he has to be someone who adds value to your already flourishing life.