We’ve all heard the phrase “wife material.” But often, when certain men share exactly what makes a woman wife material, it’s always focused on what the woman can do for him rather than who she actually is – whether it be cooking, cleaning, putting her needs aside selflessly for him, and sacrificing her entire life to cater to him and support his dreams and raise their kids, the term “wife material” has become seriously misused to encourage self-sacrifice in women rather than true partnership. Unless you’re watching an episode from Bridgerton, rarely will you hear a low-quality man say, “I knew she was my wife not only because she was breathtakingly beautiful, she was also the most intelligent woman I had ever met and my best friend,” or, “Her dreams and ambitions inspired me to be a better, more determined man” or even, “She was so quick-witted and kept me on my toes, I knew life with her would always be an adventure.” Only high-quality men profess such admiration. Here are the five things that actually make a woman “wife” material – that only high-quality men will understand.

Intelligence and wit. In any relationship, both physical and mental attraction are important. One without the other leaves the romance flat. Women (and people in general) who are mentally stimulating and intellectually adept make life more exciting. It is boring to be with a partner who does not think as deeply as you do or doesn’t challenge you in any way. If you can’t have captivating conversations or meaningful late-night talks with your life-long partner, whether you’re a man or woman, what exactly are you doing? If you can’t banter with your spouse in a light-hearted yet clever way that always ends in laughter, where’s the fun in that? The couple that playfully banters and laughs together often thrive together.

Kindness moderated by boundaries and standards. A woman who is kind is not someone who is necessarily a people-pleaser. Feisty women with boundaries and who stand up for themselves are the sexiest, and high-quality men know that. This mix of genuine kindness and ferocious dignity is what builds true emotional attraction. In her ferocity, a high-quality man sees and appreciates that this is a woman who has standards and core values she lives up to and believes in. This makes her an incredible long-term partner in his eyes because she has integrity, and she respects and values herself. He knows she is choosing him not because she “has” to and will put up with anything, because she wants marriage with just any man and is willing to settle – it is because he met her high standards, and this gives him a sense of pride.

Ambition. A partner who has her own dreams and life outside of a marriage and partnership is inevitably someone who excels at her relationships precisely because she doesn’t make it her main focus. She doesn’t rely solely on her partner for validation or fulfillment, and her husband usually has to seek her out and “chase” her to get her attention, because she’s busy focused on her own goals. Marriages where a man loves a woman a little bit more than she loves him tend to thrive exactly for that reason. High-quality men are the ones who deeply admire and respect a woman’s strengths, gifts, talents, and drive (without exploiting her, and still remaining generous themselves), and they love cheering her on and supporting her.

A sense of adventure and boldness. There’s a reason why the old adage “Men love crazy women” exists. It’s true, in a way. Women who are bold and adventurous think outside of the box and who are just a little more sassy and “unhinged” than the rest always stand out. They are vibrant and unique, and bring joy and enthusiasm into every room they walk in. Plus, you’d never want to cross them, and they keep you on your toes. They love introducing new ideas, travel plans, ventures into the mix. They’re the ones suggesting a spontaneous trip to Paris, dancing with you until 4 a.m. in a nightclub and the ones who are snuggling up to you for a movie marathon: they can do all three. Life with them is just a tad unpredictable, and that’s just the right amount of romance and thrill that is needed to keep the spark in a marriage alive.

Honesty, not unconditional love. Many people assume marriage best thrives on unconditional love. But a woman who easily forgives and forgets, or one who doesn’t expect anything out of you is not the one you want to spend the rest of your life with. A woman who holds you accountable for being a better man and inspires to be the highest version of yourself is. If you can’t take in healthy feedback, you shouldn’t be in a marriage. Healthy marriages thrive on open communication, mutual respect, and transparency – not coddling and stagnancy, and high-quality men know this, which is why they go out of their way to fulfill the desires of the women they most desire. They seek out women who they know will hold them accountable for being the best version of themselves, and they strive to be the best partner they can to the women they love. That’s what makes them “husband material.”