The best way to lose feelings for a toxic man is to go through his following list and see all the women who don’t follow him back. No, you’re not insecure. He’s disrespectful. Society, toxic men, and the pick-me women who enable them have been gaslighting you to believe that you should be okay with some of the blatantly disrespectful behavior of men in modern dating culture. I was once acquaintances with a seemingly “perfect” married couple expecting a child. He would often write lengthy and glowing captions dedicated to her. And then one day, through my “Explore” page, I saw her husband “liking” ass pictures of random women. Society will tell you that all relationships have problems. That social media means “nothing.” Except your Aunt Carol and best friend from high school can both see your boyfriend Chad following those suspicious OnlyFans accounts, or engaging with other women’s pictures in a way that seems frequent, shady, and callous. How embarrassing. Is this the type of man you want to be seen out with in public? Sure, you can minimize it and say, “He’s just looking,” but you wouldn’t tolerate that same type of ogling behavior let alone public engagement and public humiliation in real life. Social media is an extension of real life and the questionable behaviors we engage in online are not exempt from accountability or consequences. These behaviors are reflective of deeply-rooted attitudes, beliefs, and even toxic personality traits.

The thing is, we know from actual studies that there are men with dark personality traits like narcissism and psychopathy that actually try to make their partners jealous on purpose. It gives them a high to think other women are “competing” for them (even if no one is) and they get off on the power and control. Perhaps in your case it’s not OnlyFans accounts but their ex, or their co-worker who they seem to be too close with. No matter who it is, we need to accept that some men (and women) actually enjoy hurting their partners and social media is their playground. And if they think you’re out of their league, they’ll try to make you feel especially insecure so they can feel better about themselves. So, if you’ve been in this situation and the man just escalated this behavior and gaslighted you into thinking you’re crazy instead of hearing how it made you feel, chances are he was trying to make you jealous on purpose and has a sadistic need to establish dominance.

I am going to tell you to do what others won’t. Raise hell. Stop dating these types of men. Take a look at what they do on social media before you get too involved with them. Allow it to filter out the men you won’t waste your time with.  Don’t be so thirsty for a relationship that you get into a relationship with a thirsty man. 

If you’ve ever confronted this type of disrespectful behavior, chances are you’ve had society telling you that you should be more “secure,” that you need to work on your anxiety and trust issues.  And boy, did it work! You want to be seen as the “cool girl” don’t you? The kind of woman that doesn’t make a fuss over such a “trivial” thing as social media. The kind of woman that swallows her discomfort when you see your boyfriend or God forbid even your husband following weird accounts on Instagram and liking scantily clad pictures on the daily. It’s “just social media” they say. Awesome – well now it’s just justifiable true crime  from your end. Kidding of course – it’s not worth the jail time.

But what if the world was run by women and catered to their needs instead? Any man who would be caught red-handed on social media while in a relationship would be shamed, mocked, ridiculed, and laughed at. Instead of vilifying the woman for having a normal reaction to disrespectful behavior, we would be calling out toxic behaviors like this because they inevitably escalate. In some cases, these behaviors are driven by darker, more sadistic motives. Let’s bring shame back. If you’re dating a man like this, you have to understand that their disrespect will rarely end at social media. It will escalate into sliding into DMs or even IRL cheating. You deserve to have an authentic relationship with a high-quality man, not someone who will be prowling for cheap validation online or in real life.