1. The awkwardness that is cancelling your way out of any and all plans you make/are forced into. Crafting that many excuses isn’t easy and is an artform that deserves proper recognition.
2. Justifying this: “What are you doing?” “Nothing… I’m just sitting at home… but like, because I want to.”
3. You’re not anti-social, you are just selectively-social. You don’t waste your time with people who don’t matter, you don’t keep up fake friendships. Sometimes this looks as though you’re distant, but you actually have a psychological leg up on the people who are still trying to work out relationships that just aren’t meant for them.
4. Dealing with the stigma that someone who spends time at home is boring and needs to “get a life.” Wherever you live your life the happiest is the place you should do it. The only people who think otherwise are the people who can’t be alone with themselves. #TRUTH
5. “But what did you DO all day?”
6. Having no concept of appropriate attire. Also spending most of your life in your underwear, and eventually considering that “normal.” Not being able to fathom why you have to wear a dress or something “fancy” to go out.
7. Hence why you just, y’know, don’t.
8. The concept of working from home is both your ultimate dream and worst nightmare because you probably would never leave your apartment. You don’t usually indulge this desire because you know the dire consequences that would inevitably follow.
9. It’s Friday at the office and everybody is getting pumped for their plans for drinks and brunch and shopping and traveling over the weekend and you are sitting there genuinely on a high over the fact that you can go home and lay on your bed and know that there’s nowhere else you have to be for the next two days. How that compares with exhausting plans to force conversations over martinis and spend more money you don’t have, you’re not entirely sure.
10. Having your most committed relationships be with your Netflix queue and Seamless account/delivery person.
11. Having your other most committed relationship be with your cat, who also does not leave the house.
12. You were never cool in high school, you couldn’t have been. Everybody who was anybody had albums of posed photos with three dozen acquaintances on someone’s back porch, holding a Bud Light in each hand. You, however, were HAPPILY two seasons into a show you started that morning and your mom ordered Chinese food for dinner, bless her.
13. Your dream relationship consists of you and your lover laying on the couch watching movies for like, I don’t know, a week straight.
14. You don’t necessarily dislike people, you just need to be alone with your thoughts sometimes. You need time to deprogram and disconnect (which is ironic, because it’s anything but between you and your WiFi). Point is: you get a rep for not wanting to be around people, but that’s not the case. You don’t think you’re above them. You’re just also not above thinking napping for three hours on a Friday afternoon isn’t the closest we’ll ever get to heaven.