17 Weird Things Only Your Best Friend Knows About You


1. The details of your one boss’ personal life that seem elusive and endlessly interesting even to them, though they aren’t in the office with you.

2. How you actually felt about that one ex that randomly left you, and every intimate detail that supports the fact that the sex wasn’t even that great anyway.

3. That one person who you never got over, no matter how many new relationships have come and gone.

4. At least one hilariously terrible thing you did during middle or high school like the one time you called a girl’s house and told her mom that it was Planned Parenthood and the results were positive (you better know what movie reference this is).

5. Whatever unseemly bodily ailment is plaguing you this week.

6. Whatever unseemly bodily ailment chronically plagues you (my best friend has IBS and if you don’t think I don’t know every god forsaken detail of it, you thought wrong).

7. How often you masturbate (or at least whether or not you do). The hardcore best friends even hold those sex toy parties.

8. All the things you don’t know about sex, as you drunkenly but seriously asked them that one night.

9. What you binge ate yesterday.

10. What sexual experiments you tried and failed at.

11. Every skeleton in your family’s closet that comes up while you’re complaining that your mother called (because you have to explain how she was never there for you growing up and so you are bitter and your dad tries to mend things but he has his own issues like the time when he blah blah blah blah blah).

12. Facebook passwords.

13. What social media creeping interests you the most, as is evidenced by how frequently they screenshot and send you updates about someone you aren’t following.

14. Why you hate your sibling, and other current family dynamics that shouldn’t really be discussed elsewhere.

15. The little things that throw you over the edge, like the word “moist” and loud chewers and slow walkers.

16. Your secret crush in the office.

17. Why you hate the random people that you do (that one girl was friends with the girl who your ex left you for and so by association she is on the shit list). TC Mark

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Part time writer. Full time bad ass bitch. Brunch-having New Yorker.

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