The universe is random. It’s not inevitable. It’s simple chaos. It’s subatomic particles in endless, aimless collision. That’s what science teaches us, but what is this saying? What is it telling us, when on the very night that this man’s daughter dies, it’s me who’s having a drink with him? How can that be random?
Cheer up beautiful people… this is where you get to make it right.
To hell with your cancer. I’ve been living with cancer for the better part of a year. Right from the start, it’s a death sentence. That’s what they keep telling me. Well, guess what? Every life comes with a death sentence, so every few months I come in here for my regular scan, knowing full well that one of these times – hell, maybe even today – I’m gonna hear some bad news. But until then, who’s in charge? Me. That’s how I live my life.
I have lived under the threat of death for a year now. And because of that, I have made choices. Listen to me. I alone should suffer the consequences of those choices, no one else. And those consequences, they’re coming. No more prolonging the inevitable.
I have spent my whole life scared, frightened of things that could happen, might happen, might not happen, 50-years I spent like that. Finding myself awake at three in the morning. But you know what? Ever since my diagnosis, I sleep just fine.
What I came to realize is that fear, that’s the worst of it. That’s the real enemy. So, get up, get out in the real world and you kick that bastard as hard you can right in the teeth.
Name one thing in this world that is not negotiable.
It’s kind of funny. When I got my diagnosis – cancer – I said to myself, ‘Why me?’ And then, the other day, when I got the good news, I said the same thing.
Look, Skyler, I just haven’t quite been myself lately. I haven’t been myself lately, but I love you. Nothing about that has changed, and nothing ever will. So right now, what I need is for you to climb down out of my ass. Can you do that? Will you do that for me, honey? Will you please, just once, get off my ass. You know, I’d appreciate it. I really would.
Who are you talking to right now? Who is it you think you see? Do you know how much I make a year? I mean, even if I told you, you wouldn’t believe it. Do you know what would happen if I suddenly decided to stop going into work? A business big enough that it could be listed on the NASDAQ goes belly up. Disappears! It ceases to exist without me.
Sometimes I feel like I never actually make any of my own. Choices, I mean. My entire life it just seems I never…you know, had a real say about any of it. Now this last one, cancer…all I have left is how I choose to approach this.’
Skyler, you’ve read the statistics. These doctors…talking about surviving. One year, two years, like it’s the only thing that matters. But what good is it, to just survive if I am too sick to work, to enjoy a meal, to make love? For what time I have left, I want to live in my own house. I want to sleep in my own bed. I don’t wanna choke down 30 or 40 pills every single day, lose my hair, and lie around too tired to get up…and so nauseated that I can’t even move my head. And you cleaning up after me? Me, with…some dead man, some artificially alive…just marking time? No. No. And that’s how you would remember me. That’s the worst part. So…that is my thought process, Skyler. I’m sorry. I just…I choose not to do it.
Chemistry is, well technically, chemistry is the study of matter. But I prefer to see it as the study of change.
I’m saying that I lived too long. You want them to actually miss you […] I truly believe there exists some combination of words. There must exist certain words in a certain specific order that can explain all of this, but with her I just can’t ever seem to find them.
Skyler, you are the love of my life, I hope you know that. Walter junior, you’re my big man. There are… there are going to be some things, things that you’ll come to learn about me in the next few days. I just want you to know that, no matter how it may look, I only had you in my heart. Goodbye.
You clearly don’t know who you’re talking to, so let me clue you in. I am not in danger, Skyler. I am the danger. A guy opens his door and gets shot, and you think that of me? No! I am the one who knocks.
You know I, I just think, that ah, things have a way of working themselves out.
image – AMC