You may find yourself waking up one day and wonder what they’re doing or where they are. Or maybe it’s been a while, and you find yourself seeing your friends with their oh so wonderful significant others and you think, “I want them back.”

But here’s the thing: sometimes, all you really miss is the idea of having that special someone. You don’t necessarily miss the person you had that relationship with.

Maybe you miss the days when you’d go on dates, to the park or to the movies, sharing popcorn and holding hands. Or perhaps you miss the compliments, the late-night conversations or the goodnight kisses. Maybe you miss the jokes, the laughs or the tears that were shared. You miss those things, not the person.

If you missed them, you’d try to get back together. If you missed them, you’d probably have texted, called or talked to them by now. But if find yourself missing those moments, you may mistake that longing for the person themselves.

Don’t let yourself be fooled by nostalgia or be romanticized too much by a broken heart. Yes, it hurts, and it hurts a lot to know that you didn’t fit perfectly with that one person who told you ‘forever’ – but what hurts, even more, is to be holding onto something that isn’t there anymore. Which is why you miss the idea of them…of having someone to hold you, to help you, to make your life ten times better.

You miss the idea of them because you miss being in a relationship.

You miss the idea of them because you miss all those milestones in a relationship: the first date, the first kiss, the first time doing anything and everything together. You miss those things and that’s completely normal. You’ll probably keep missing those things, even if your mind tries to trick you into thinking about that certain someone you did them with.

But the truth is: you’ll find someone new to make memories with. Those moments are the things that never change, even if the person does. Those memories will be there in the back of your mind, even if the one you shared them with isn’t anymore. So remember that the next time you think you want them back; because really what you want is the idea.