Um Apparently Every Celebrity Can Somehow Be Traced Back To Spencer Pratt?

Every celebrity can be traced back to the one who rules them all, Spencer Pratt.

No, I’m totally serious. This is not some crazy claim. I can take you from Michael Jackson to Zayn Malik to Spencer Pratt, no sweat. What does this mean about celebrity? Does it truly mean that Spencer Pratt, who seems like such a lowly throwaway from the ‘00s, is in the same league of fame as monoliths like Elvis? Perhaps that’s a stretch, but it’s truly shocking just how small Hollywood is, and how easily the circles of fame can get all mixed up. Is Spencer Pratt the Chosen One? Perhaps that’s what all those crystals were about.

In the early ‘90s, Michael Jackson was married to Lisa Marie Presley, daughter of Elvis Presley. The marriage didn’t last long, but it will never be forgotten partially because it totally freaked everyone out:

Lisa Marie went on to marry Nicolas Cage, who was totally obsessed with her dad, Elvis:

Beauty queen Linda Thompson dated the King for four years before she married Caitlyn Jenner:

Linda and Caitlyn had two sons, Brandon and Brody:

Linda Thompson was also married to David Foster:

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🎼Connecting with long-time friends on a Sunday

A post shared by David Foster (@davidfoster) on

After their split, Foster married Yolanda Foster and became stepfather to supermodel Gigi Hadid and her sister Bella. And that clear fridge:

Gigi Hadid is currently dating Zayn Malik of One Direction fame:

Kendall Jenner is Gigi’s BFF:

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💋🌹 flashback

A post shared by Kendall (@kendalljenner) on

And she’s also (sort of) dating a member of One Direction, Harry Styles:

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C Wizzle and I.

A post shared by @ harrystyles on

Kendall rose to fame as part of the Kardashian-Jenner family:

Brody and Brandon Jenner are Kendall’s half-brothers; their father, Caitlyn Jenner, married Kris Kardashian in the ‘90s:

The Kardashians currently rule all media, and Kris Jenner was “famous” in the ‘90s for being tight with Nicole Brown Simpson and for hawking a thigh master-style exercise gadget on TV with husband Caitlyn. Kris gave baby Kendall the middle name “Nicole” after her late friend:

We know that OJ Simpson was BFFs with Robert Kardashian Sr. and Kris Kardashian/Jenner – as well as the godfather of Kim Kardashian West. Nicole Brown Simpson’s sister, Denise, has a son named Sean:

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Champagne with my beautiful grandma :)

A post shared by Sean Michael Brown (@seanmbrown1) on

He just tied the knot with Laguna Beach star Casey Reinhardt:

You know, Casey – The New Girl?

Laguna Beach and its sequel, The Hills, weren’t exactly Spencer Pratt’s launch pad; that would be The Princes of Malibu, which starred Brody and Brandon Jenner:

Brody went on to appear on The Hills, as well as date Kristin Cavallari of Laguna fame, while Casey – The New Girl’s brother Doug dated Lauren Conrad for a hot second:

Brody did too! And Lauren Conrad is responsible, mostly, for Speidi:

So here we are, full circle. It’s pretty crazy, right? Spencer Pratt (and his wife Heidi Montag, Lauren’s former bestie) is truly the king of fame. No one worked the system like Spencer and Heidi, and that’s just why we love them. They were basically groomed for greatness. TC mark

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