18 Things I Let Men Get Away With At 22 That I Would Never Put Up With At 28

I’m on the eve of my 28th birthday, which makes me feel very, very old and wise, especially where relationships are concerned. I cringe every time I think about what 22-year-old Kara was dealing with, dude-wise. I let guys get away with a bunch of shit when I was younger, but now that I’m pushing 30 and far more sure of who I am as a person, there are many things I won’t stand for anymore.
b.nastiy
b.nastiy

1. Only hanging out with me on weekends, at night. Barf. If a dude isn’t interested in seeing me on a Monday afternoon, I’m not into it. If he disappears right away on Sunday morning, see ya later. I won’t be waiting for your next text message.

2. The “You up?” text. For the most part, my late-night hookup days are over. My phone doesn’t ping with a “You up?” text at 3 AM anymore, and that is just fine with me. It was all fun and games back then, but I have a full-time job and packed weekends now, so I don’t have time for the late night booty call.

3. Having no interest in actually going out and doing things. I dated a guy who never wanted to go out. We stayed inside his apartment every time we hung out, and I got so stir-crazy. I don’t need fancy dinners and crazy dates, but actually leaving the house is a good thing.

4. Whiskey dick. I am so not going to try to have sex with you when I can foresee the whiskey dick waiting in the wings to disappoint me.

5. Not caring if I get off. I don’t stand for that crap anymore. Sex is a two-person activity and both parties should get the ending they deserve.

6. Rabbit sex. Please, no. Thankfully, (most) guys age out of this bang-bang-bang thrusting style.

7. Passive-aggressive arguments. The older you get, the better you can communicate. When something is wrong, it’s best to discuss it like adults, not have back-and-forth text conversations that get nothing solved.

8. Not having things at least 50% figured out. If a dude I’m seeing doesn’t have at least half of his life together, it’s not for me. A dependable job is a good start. A savings account is great, but not necessary. At 22, I dated a lot of dudes with crappy jobs and no motivation. At (almost) 28, I’m not interested in that aimless lifestyle anymore.

9. No goals. In your early twenties, it’s totally fine not to know what you want to do with your life! But when you’re nearing 30, you should have at least a few goals you’re working towards, whether that’s saving for a house, landing your dream job or even just being a better person.

10. Never ever picking up the phone. What is the point of texting constantly to make plans when you could just call me?

11. Being wishy-washy. I like a guy who wants to make plans, and who doesn’t leave it all up to me. In my early twenties, I was fine with making all the decisions and doing all the heavy lifting. Now, I prefer if we take turns deciding where to eat or what movie to see or who’s driving and who’s drinking.

12. Disgusting bathrooms. It’s fine to have a nasty college house bathroom when all you do is go to class and drink and play video games, but for god’s sake, keep your bathroom clean when you’re not in college anymore. Take the trash out. Wipe the little beard hairs and toothpaste spit out of the sink. Nobody’s impressed with a slob.

13. Commitment phobia. In my early twenties, I let the guys I was dating string me along, hinting at commitment and exclusivity, for way too long. Now, if I want to date someone who doesn’t want to date me, I’ve (mostly) learned how to let go. No one is “ready” for commitment. You just have to be brave and let it happen.

14. Not seeing me as an equal. This is one I still struggle with, but if the guy I’m seeing doesn’t think of me as his equal, then we can’t hang. I also hate it when dudes are threatened by the fact that I make more money than they do. It’s not cool. I work hard and I don’t deserve to feel bad about what I’ve accomplished.

15. Staring at their phone 24/7. My last serious boyfriend spent a lot of our relationship looking at his phone. I let it go then, but now I definitely wouldn’t. I’ve taken to leaving my phone in other rooms when hanging out with people I’m interested in. Show the person you’re dating that you’re listening to what they’re saying or enjoying your time together by not staring at your damn phone.

16. Peter Pan syndrome. Everyone’s got to grow up sometime. Twenty-two is not a child. As I age, I appreciate a guy who is excited to grow up and experience new things, not stay stuck in his college-age past.

17. No life skills. If you can’t cook at least a few meals, do your own laundry, iron a shirt and keep your place clean, then dude, WTF are you living on your own for? Go move back in with your mom.

18. Not vocalizing their feelings. The point of a relationship is to communicate. I want a dude to tell me when he’s angry with me, when he feels comfortable, when he’s really happy … and so on. The stereotypical “stoic dude” thing isn’t productive, relationship-wise, as you move through your life. TC mark

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  • http://voluptuouscara.wordpress.com Cara

    Oh yeah, I let men get away with all of this and more, right up until I was 35. But not any more. I can remember one guy I knew in the bad ol’ days, his whole house was filthy. Not dirty socks on the floor kind of filthy (which I can tolerate) but “Jesus FUCK, the waterbug in the bathroom is big enough to have to pay rent” filthy. And he brought me home to that shithole…and I didn’t complain not once. I did kill the waterbug in the bathroom (platform sandals, I just squished the thing) but now I look back and I think “what the hell were you THINKING, bringing me home to that gross pigsty.” That same guy was……well all right I’ll say it, he was whiskey dick the one time I went home with him, and it was like “Really, I came to your hovel, I shared a bathroom with the waterbug, AND you can’t fuck me?!” If I were a gambling woman (OK, I am) I’d bet that that particular guy is still single and doesn’t know why.

    • http://indepthwoman.wordpress.com indepthwoman

      This one guy talked all this shit, it was over in less than 2 minutes. My ex would throw his clothes in my laundry hamper and hid it…we got into so many arguments about not cleaning, his hair all over the sink.. he moved in on me, and it was so slick I didn’t even see it coming…He quit his job, never said anything to me…he lost his apartment and never told me…had I known I would have gave him the money to keep his place but it wasn’t even his place, his mother kicked him out, then i did the same and as soon as I did, he got his own place, car and a job. he was purposely trying not to find work because he wanted me to take care of him and I also ended up in the hospital because I was so stressed. This man latched onto me, that even the thought of it makes me not want to date again…I keep meeting lazy ass men, that only see what they can get from and a lot of them are already taken…I haven’t dated in years…I can’t be bothered!

  • http://indepthwoman.wordpress.com indepthwoman

    When I hit 24 I felt this way, …you’re so right!…and at 35 I still feel this way. I had to stop telling men I cook, because as soon as I mention it, they dont even want to take me out.. It never gets to a first date….I don’t even call them back…I also said I had a room mate, to ward the men who only want to to sleep with me…you would think a guy in his late 30’s and up would stop playing games….I can’t be bothered sometimes.. I haven’t dated in so long. I don’t even mis it…love will find me..my ex was all the above.. I got rid of him! All we had was years together….found out he was leading a double life with another women in a another part of town, this explained why he didn’t want me to drive, or we would get into arguments about me driving….he claim he was worried about my safety, I was like no you’re not…..I found out what he was doing, I took a taxi to the location, where he was. I kept getting sick every time i went past this building and couldn’t figure out why. I wrote down the name and then one day I saw the name on his license…

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