It has been said that our world is one that an extrovert can flourish in. Being gregarious and socially adaptable may be an advantageous attribute in the work place, but it can also be an incredibly fucking annoying trait for anyone who identifies as an introvert to deal with. Introverts tend to excel in creativity, like finding ways to avoid people, places and thing, specifically assholes, crowds, and trash. Spending more time alone leads them to other inventive and convenient solutions like: how to mix red wine and vodka, how to win at games all by yourself, and how to convince small children that you are part witch.
I’m an introvert, and I’m absoultely 100% proud of it.
Introverts can entertain themselves a.k.a. their minds are more interesting.
As a result of an introvert’s interestingly clad imagination and profound, reflective thoughts, their inner world is more stimulating and rewarding than social interactions with unfunny, lackluster extroverts, who on the contrary, feel the need to discuss drab weather conditions, even though each season has established weather patterns. Introverts know this lethal kryptonite shit as small talk; meaningless chatter about sports, the traffic, or plans. Extroverts bother others with small talk because they rely on social situations to stimulate them. Depressing.
Introverts have mastered the following resting bitch faces, which only OTHER introverts can pick up on.
The “What The Fuck Are You Still Doing Here” face
The “You’re Now Going To Do Whatever I Tell You” face
The “Seriously, Are You Still Here” face
The “Sorry, You’re Basic” face
The “You Can’t Handle This” face
The “Secretary of Sass” face
The “I’m Coming For You” face
Introverts unite with an SOS manual.
When the skull of an extrovert is too thick to grasp one of said introvert’s bitch faces, the introvert must resort to their Secret Service Introvert Survival Manuel. There are endless clubs, forums, meetings, parties and entire institutions dedicated to the precious masterpieces known as introverts. Here’s an insider’s look at the Secret Service Introvert Survival Manual, a collection of tips and tricks to escape an extrovert’s mind-numbing chatter.
Techniques include: continue reading your book without acknowledging the perpetrator; release a loud strenuous sigh while simultaneously adjusting your posture; make a personal phone call without warning; dramatic deadpan; sexually assault a piece of gum to the degree of destruction; bestow the iconic, Ariel “I’m A Motherfuckin Mermaid” hair flip; or my personal fav: deliver an epic eye roll so deep and dark that you get a glimpse of your own black magic soul. Still these hints aren’t always a guarantee, as extroverts are notoriously needy and desperate for interaction. Plus, the introvert is probably cute. Accept it. At this point the introvert is left with no other option but to blow the extrovert a kiss of death and exit the premises.
Introverts have impeccable manners a.k.a. they don’t pry.
Introverts tend to mind their own business because they legit don’t care about extrovert’s drama. Extroverts tend to exaggerate even the most pointless, boring of events. Their hearts simply demand the external thrill because their inner worlds are so lame. If drama is lacking, extroverts will create it. Introverts are aware of this scam but they simply don’t have the energy to care. An extrovert’s drama is an utter fucking snooze-fest to an introvert’s superior, majestic inner world. Luckily, they are equipped with built in idiot radar and are able to phase out the bullshit.