1. This is a Norwegian cargo boat. It is on sale right now for $750,000 dollars. Can you imagine if you had the money to buy this boat? What would you do with it? What if you decided to start your own trading company? What if you decided that you and 100 of your friends were going to be the new importers of fun? What if your trade was bringing smiles to people’s faces? You roll up in the Philippines and you’re like, “Hey guys, who needs help?” and you just kind of travel the world, doing different fun things on your boat. What if you decided to export coffee one day?

That’s a cool boat. Now let’s look at the possibility of something less expensive and 100000x more fun.

2. This beautiful baby is only $500. SO CHEAP! Imagine all the possibilities! Sunny days on the coast, chilling on the boat, reading books, playing music. The feeling of being pulled by air is totally different than being pushed by an engine. But I would prefer something that I wouldn’t care about breaking or capsizing, because there’s nothing more exciting than being in the middle of a storm on the lake, in a shitty sailboat.

3. This is it. Look at how vulnerable they look in this sailboat. What the fuck? They want $11, 269? Look at how easily these people fall out. It would be so much fun. You can definitely find something like this for $100-200. What’s cool about this experience: the wind would pick up one day, they would fall out, they would have to work together to flip it back up again. They would talk about this day for a long time. You’d really have to be either a) a good sailor to do it alone, or b) good at picking friends who you really don’t mind getting into trouble with.

4. Passenger Boat! aka Party Boat! How is this $136US? So confusing. This is in Turkey. The last one was in US. Do people in Turkey just have a lot of boats they need to get rid of? ANYWAY: this boat has a dining room in it. A giant dining room where you could clear out a dance floor and host some very fun parties. You either charge people to come to the party because the party is so awesome, or you charge groups to rent the boat. You could have your grandmother’s 82nd birthday party on it or something.

5. 2008 Wooden Yacht from Turkey, again. $136 US, no way… Obviously this is the wrong price. Still worth talking about it though. Look at the interior:

Imagine fucking all over this place?

This room- this is where about 5 people are sprawled out casually. There’s an interesting light. Maybe either candles or black light. They are playing games, singing karaoke on drugs. Something to that effect.

PRETTY STRAIGHT FORWARD: You eat here. You have a feast. What do you eat? Depends on how long are you on the boat for. I’m thinking like, a week? Realistically, we would probably be eating the easiest, laziest thing to make but something that’s still good-tasting. Lots of oils going on. You could also do homework on this boat during the day. Or you could make it a drafting table or whatever. Maybe four of your friends are all on laptops, reading up on shit, typing, designing, developing, whatever. Come and go from the table as you please. Espresso machine in the corner.

Will these friends get sick of each other by the end of the week? Who knows? If they do, they can just separate when they get back to the shore. Will they die on this boat? Maybe? Death is always a possibility.

6. I think this is the same kind of deal, except everything is faster and more powerful. I wouldn’t even know what to do with a yacht like this. This feels like a yacht where you have so much money for fuel, not that many people with you, and a straight-up fever for speed. I don’t know why I’m so biased against this boat? Is it just the photo? That’s a weird photo.

Here’s the inside. Kind of cute, I guess. Not the vibe I was expecting.

4 glasses of orange juice. Interesting choice, guys.

And of course, here is the slip and slide.

This boat doesn’t feel nearly as naughty as boat number five. Still a boat though. I cannot complain about this boat, really. I can’t complain about any boat.