It wasn’t always like this; the fights, the misunderstandings, and the petty arguments stemming from absolutely nowhere. You know, we used to be… the ideal couple. I was a lucky guy and she was basically the girl that I have ever wanted; whom everyone wanted. I was the guy who fell head-over-heels for everything about her. I did all the things that I had to do; I even tried to be someone else. And you know, after all those efforts, I finally got her. But why does the spark come to an end when the “true” relationship begins?
1. Getting Into a Relationship To Spice Up Life
This is where the Chase Theory comes in. So what is it really about? The chase, as the name implies is the challenge of somewhat “running around” to please and finally get the girl. It is when we commonly see people running as many errands as they can, in the hope of pleasing that one important person. It is never uncommon to see flowers, chocolates, videos and a whole lot of singing involved in making their courtship a success. But the main idea of the chase comes with the reciprocating person. This phenomenon is only present with the challenged posed by that elusive trophy. In fact society brands girls as those who are either hard-to-get or those that are easy-to-get. The distinction comes from the challenge guys attain from having to run after that hard-to get girl. Having that chase gives them that thrill, the excitement of having to work their brains off to plan that foolproof surprise. Who would not want that challenge anyway? What is life without some excitements?
2. Fulfillment of Own Ego: I’m Not Happy Because You are Happy, I’m Happy Because I was Successful in Making You Happy.
During this period of chase, the most observable thing would be the effort. People put in a lot of effort in catching up in this chase that you cannot help but wonder how they manage to do what they do. Love is commonly the force considered to be the fuel that powers one’s efforts. They think that they are advocates of true love, and that their expression of love just happens to be the effort that they are willing to exert to make the relationship happen. But is it really “love” that powers this drive? The “love” they express seem to be selfless in picture, but what do people really get out of pursuing this chase? Well it is common to get satisfaction and joy upon seeing that important someone happy because of your efforts. But upon observation this happiness that they actually feel is not because the person they love is happy, but because they were successful in making that one person happy. The difference between those two forms of happiness would be the selfish and egocentric reason behind making someone happy. People get some sort of rush from being successful in making someone happy, as if some trophy or reward after a hard day’s work. With this we see how at times the drive actually is the rising ego of having the hard-to-get react in non-conventional ways.
3. The Feeling of Assurance: “What Others Want For You, You Would Also Want”
Was it really the girl that boys were after from the very beginning? Or was it those exciting events that left them hanging every day? This story of “love” somehow portrays another factor, the world – or basically everyone around us.
I remember when we started out as couples, we get teased, we responded with those poorly constructed denial statements while feeling our blood pressure rising. We were interrogated, asked and tortured by our peers who either force us the issue of being “compatible”.
So to speak, that knowledge that they are compatible drives them to get together whatever it takes, while another team of friends may even go into the lengths of betting whether or not that girl which they seem to desire is even within their league. At that point in time they put their game-faces on and swear to themselves that they would do everything to their power just to prove everyone wrong. Now this is not about that special person of theirs, this just happens to be your ego getting ahead of you and your decisions. Most of the time the biggest contributing factor to this illusion of interest, attraction or that so called “love” would be the impact of the people around them. Couples tend to listen to them too much that they even get brainwashed into thinking similarly without examining their own thoughts and feelings. These same couples, who tend to have their reputations and egos crushed in the beginning by the lack of hope or rejection, would usually come retaliating with bigger and more extravagant blows. Such action is just to satisfy their need for self-assurance and recognition. Well, this just happens to be really far from their imagined feeling of “love”.
4. The Tendency of Loving the Chase
Most people think that love is a feeling. They usually go for the feeling, not knowing that the love may not be towards the person but towards the challenge of courting. But what does this adrenaline rush really do to people? And how does this affect our belief, and projection of that funky feeling we usually call love? An adrenaline rush happens when humans are faced with situations that require fight-or-flight reactions. Some of the effects include increasing heart rate, palpitations and rapid heartbeat (Amazing Cells 2012)– which some identify as marks of being “in love”. Now this makes it more logical and a lot easier to identify. As we analyze that feeling which people get when they are talking to that important person; when they see them smile or sometimes even just seeing them from a far. It is that fuzzy and alarming feeling maybe due to that adrenaline rush that they experience during such times. But that feeling could be anything. At the end of the day, maybe that hyper feeling, that “love”, they think they feel is not the “love” towards that person, but rather the “love” towards the process of chasing her. It is not a love for a girl; it is the love of actually getting her.
Thus, this leads to the last stage of contemplation; where people question why they had such feelings for that specific someone. At this present age, people tend to be relentlessly curious. Sometimes mysteries and suspense tend to attract people into looking into that “something”. This happens to be similar to their attraction to other people. This may stem from curiosity, and most people tend to be interested in something or someone up until such point in time that we can decode the mysteries behind them. They may be interested up until such time that they understand them and end up winning eventually.
5. A Plan More On How to Get Her, Not How to be With Her
After all the drama, time and effort spent on planning and chasing, people are down to the final stretch – the fulfilling “yes”. When most people think that this would be the starting point of a new life, that filled with romance, love and that happy ever after, well its sometimes not the case. In other versions of our imagined fairytale relationships we forget the battle plan for what happens next. Fairy tales with a very, very long chasing period, they cut that part after being married or swearing their love for each other. But isn’t that the part after that that matters? What about the aftermath of all the efforts they exerted before? It was bad that the entire process of chase is already considered as a very challenging and exciting game for many, however precede the worst part that is the part after the victory. That point when you begin to ask yourselves, what now?
6. The Realization
In the entirety of looking at the chase in a new perspective, it is not common to end up questioning the love that we have raved too much about. It takes us into questioning the feelings we had and the actions that we did to subside those various heart reactions. Isolation and characterizing love has also been one of the key problems why people tend to brand mere feelings as “love”. Most people fail to consider that love is not merely about the feelings that we get when we are near the people we think we love. Love cannot be equated with just the Adrenaline rush that people get, it is important to note that people are never pushed into doing something out of love, the choice is ours and this ability to choose to act, exert effort and continue to care constitutes a more honest love than the games some play. It is also a different thing when individuals consider love as a game, yes it is interesting, fun and exciting for a moment but this certainly isn’t something that is lasting. Such superficial joy will not allow for spiritual growth as this form of joy and satisfaction can be liken to appeasing our inner need for assurance, recognition and pride. Relationships that are pegged only on the thrill of the chase may not allow for the maturity that all individuals deserve when they enter in a relationship. This growth provides for the healthy relationships that everyone dreams of. This form of genuine love can be viewed a lot differently from the feeling of conventional “love symptoms” that people think they experience.
But in all honesty, such process of chase may now sound so bad and fake, yet we can never discount other types of probability. Generalization would be unfair for those who may have gone through the chase, yet are immersed in the real love. They may have gone through a lot of joyful and exciting rides, but never fails to renew their bonds from time to time, these are the people who were not in for one back and forth ride, rather they prepared themselves for the ride of their lives.