It always starts with just one drink. Then another drink, a shot, some more drinks, and before you know it you’re feeling buzzed and wondering if other people notice the changes you’re experiencing in real time. You’re keeping it together as best you can and think you’re behaving totally normal. You also can’t help but wonder: How am I coming off to other people? If you’re a happy drunk, it’s something like this…
1. You can’t stop smiling and laughing. As far as you’re concerned, this is the greatest night you’ve ever experienced and will ever experience. You’re embracing the moment and nothing can take that smile off of your face.
2. You want to bring everyone together and share your excitement. The way you do this is by buying drinks or shots for your friends or anyone within spitting distance at the bar. You’re having the time of your life and want everyone else to, as well. If they’re not “there” yet, your goal is to get them there with more booze.
3. You become very talkative. Once your mouth starts moving, there’s no stopping it for the rest of the night. You start random conversations with strangers and tell stories to anyone who will listen. Then you repeat those stories over and over.
4. You need to capture the moment. You’re with your closest friends and the weird guy and strange girl you just met. You don’t know the strangers’ names, but you want them in a photo with you and your friends. This night is just too good and you need a record of it. This is when you attempt a drunken group selfie or have a friend ask the bartender to take a picture of you and your ragtag crew.
5. You pocket dial often. While you’re busy looking through the photos the bartender took, pointing out the funny faces of the guy and girl you just met, you accidentally click your recent calls and hit “Mom” or “Dad” with your finger as you place your phone back in your pocket or purse. You have no idea that you actually did this, but will certainly find out the next day. The only reason your parents aren’t worried is that you did the same thing last month. And they can hear you yelling at people and then cackling in the background.
6. You reminisce about old times. Remember that time you threw up in the back of your mom’s car after Dave’s party in high school? Oh, and how great was it when you and your now wife were having sex for the first time and I came home early from a frat party and saw you in the act. I’ll never forget that as long as I live. All your friend can muster is, “I wish you would.”
7. You try to right wrongs. I’m sorry about that. I shouldn’t tell that story anymore. She’s your wife. It would be funny if you never saw that girl ever again, but that’s the mother of your children and love of your life. I’m disrespecting her, you, and your family. That’s not cool. Do you think you can ever forgive me? “Yeah,” your friend says. “Just don’t say that story in front of my wife anymore and we’ll be fine.” You’re my best friend.
8. You act as a morale booster. If someone looks upset, you sincerely and genuinely want to know what’s wrong. You’ll do anything you can – dance on a table, spill beer on yourself, or make fun of random people in the bar – to cheer the person up. If that doesn’t work, you’ll buy shots and know that will do the trick (even though it really won’t…).
9. You just start hugging (or want to hug) everyone. You want to show people love and feel it in return. So, you’ll hug your friends and even strangers, if they’ll allow it. Otherwise, you’re totally fine with a high five or fist bump.
10. You get overly enthusiastic about things, especially the future. The wine you’re drinking is the best wine on the planet. The lifestyle blog you want to start is actually going to happen and become the top site in the world. And everyone with you tonight will become part of the billion-dollar enterprise. More shots for everyone on your tab!
11. You become a dancing machine. You don’t usually dance, but now you’re busting out the moves thanks to some liquid encouragement. Who knew you memorized the entire dance to Michael Jackson’s “Thriller”? You certainly didn’t know you were capable of it. And your friends are far to kind to tell you that you were actually just doing the Macarena.
12. You become a mediator. Even if you don’t know the people who appear to be fighting at the other end of the bar, you’re going to step in and do your best to calm the situation down. Usually, you’re not very successful and the people end up just getting pissed off at you. But it’s worth it to you because at least you tried to resolve the problem and ease the tension.
13. You hum to yourself. You don’t want the music or fun to stop when you have to use the restroom so you entertain yourself by humming.
14. You want to keep the night rolling. Your friends in relationships want to go home, your friends who have long commutes don’t want to leave too late, and all you want to do is keep the night going. You use any tactics you can think of, usually just talking for a long time and ordering more drinks, to keep them in the bar another ten, twenty, or thirty minutes.
15. You won’t allow anything to stop you from having the best night ever. Your friends all left, but it doesn’t matter. You still have an open tab and it’s not last call yet. You don’t know where your phone or keys are, but who cares? You don’t need keys or a phone to dance anyway. You are in the zone and there’s no taking you out of your zone.
16. You tip generously. The bartender didn’t charge you for all of the drinks you ordered. Therefore, whatever the bill total is, you leave that amount for the tip, too. After all, the bartender helped facilitate the night of your life. You’re feeling good and want to keep passing the positive vibes on.
17. You feel sad when the night is inevitably over. You don’t want the night to end. The realization that it’s over is when you hit a low point. Then you find your keys, and more importantly, your phone. Now, the night is looking up again.
18. You drunk dial friends to deliver the happy recap. On your walk or ride home you call your friends and tell them all about the night you just experienced and how you wish they were there with you. As you’re giving the play-by-play, you’re able to relive everything all over again. And nothing makes you happier than remembering the crazy things you did and all of the fun you had just mere hours ago.