There is nothing more frustrating than a potential relationship amounting to nothing.
It starts off promising.
We meet someone cute – funny – smart, and there’s something about them that makes us feel good. We make plans to meet up so we can learn all the things there are to know about one another. We begin to wonder, “Could he/she be the one?”
But as time goes on, things get more difficult than we’d like them to be. It’s discouraging, but we really like this person. We still think there’s a chance to make this work and it’s up to us to figure out how.
For me, the beginnings of a relationship have always been the most troublesome; full of letdowns and anxiety. I have plenty of experience hoping, musing, waiting, worrying. I’ve spent a great deal of wasted time blaming others for leading me on and toying with my emotions.
I’ve strategized, played it cool, feigned aloofness – all in the hopes of a potential relationship coming to fruition.
Of course, as problems often go, I had to come to terms with the fact that there was probably something wrong with what I was doing to cause this sort of thing over and over.
No doubt the dating game can be stressful, but it’s up to us to recognize things for what they are and to decide what we’re willing to put up with.
Here are three rules I’ve come to live by whenever I’m suddenly captivated by someone and a little too drunk on love.
Be True to Our Feelings
I refuse to play the games we so often find ourselves a part of when it comes to dating. I will not wait three days to call you. I will not pretend like I hardly care when I’m falling hard for you. I will not be anything less than how I truly feel at any given moment.
We are so afraid to show feelings lest it come across as needy and we scare the other person away. Instead, we act cool, disinterested, and aloof. In other words, we become inauthentic, putting on a mask so that we can perhaps trick them into liking us.
Why on earth do we think we’re going to attract someone real by putting on an act ourselves?
Maybe experience has shown us that by acting too interested we do scare them away. Could it not be that we are simply weeding out all the people who are wrong for us?
I’m only interested in someone who wants me as much as I want them. I want a relationship where we can’t keep our eyes – or our hands – off each other.
If They Seem Disinterested, BELIEVE THEM
When we meet someone we’re smitten by, we want it to work out so bad. It makes us blind to the truth, which is that a lot of these potentials are not right for us.
Sometimes, that gal or guy we’re so interested in doesn’t seem to be into it as much as we are. They don’t always respond to us or they give one-word answers when they do. They constantly have other things going on that never involve us and rarely follow through on our plans together. We don’t seem to be as much a priority to them as they are to us.
If we’re constantly getting the sense that this person has better things to do or that they’re not putting in any effort whatsoever, it’s off to a bad start. As a friend of mine once told me, the beginnings of a relationship are supposed to be the easy part!
At a certain point, we need to be honest with ourselves. Better yet, we must face the reality. Any relationship that starts off rocky does not typically get any better. In fact, it usually leads to absolutely nothing at all, unless you count feelings of blame, stress, and heartache.
Next time we get the sense that someone isn’t interested in us, let’s believe them!
Be Willing to Drop Someone at the First Sign
How do we stop the games? Refuse to play! We must be willing to sacrifice any potential relationship at the first sign that it is anything less than what we are searching for.
We need to ask ourselves, “Do I really want to date someone who is not excited to be with me?”
The answer is no! Let’s not waste our time trying to court those who aren’t in it a hundred percent – it’s not worth it.
We reek of desperation when we’re willing to forgive and forget whenever a potential love interest does something questionable. We might look over the fact that they only reach out to us when it’s beneficial for them or when they’re always canceling or showing up a half hour late to meet us somewhere.
My own experience has taught me to be on the constant lookout for any signs of disinterest or lack of excitement. Anytime I sense that she cares less than I do, I begin to question it all. I see her disinterest as a turn-off and thus save myself from the eventual stress and pointless wondering I would have otherwise gone through had I not been willing to put it all to an end.
Perhaps by shifting our perspective and changing what we’re willing to allow from those guys or gals we’re interested in, we can more easily avoid the traps and pitfalls of the dating game.
Let’s be nothing less than authentic. Let’s give ourselves exclusively to those who are excited to be with us and let go of the ones who are not. Only then can we avoid those pointless relationships that don’t go anywhere.